Until It All Happened
by Dreams That Glitter
Summary: Her life was fine until the...incident. Then, piece by piece, everything started fluttering through her fingers, and she couldn't put it all back together, no matter how hard she tried. Massie-centred.
1. What Went Wrong?

My life was great until the incident which changed everything.

I had a super hot boyfriend who was also a great friend, Derrick Harrington, Captain of the BOCD soccer team and star goalie.

Dylan Marvil with her wardrobe of Juicy Couture, and Kristen Gregory with her surfer-chick looks were the best friends anyone girl could wish for.

Although Alicia Rivera and Claire Lyons were the queen bees of BOCD High, they respected me and the guys, uplifted my status and made sure we were invited to the coolest parties in town.

Cam Fisher was like the big brother I never had. He was Derrick Harrington's best friend and a sweet guy who would listen to anyone's problems.

Josh Hotz definitely went by his surname. He was one of the hottest guys in BOCD and all the girls were jealous that Dylan, Kristen and I got to hang out with him. With his tanned skin and infamous NYY cap over tousled dark hair, he was one of the most sought after guys.

Kemp Hurley was dumb, and girl-obsessed but the funniest guy around. He always knew how to cheer me up, and cooked the most incredible macaroni cheese.

Chris Plovert was a walking encyclopaedia. That guy knew more than the teachers I swear! Him and Dr. Donovan, the head of sciences, could argue for the whole period. Got us out of studying though!

I was lucky.

I had the guy, the friends, the wardrobe, the status.

So why wasn't I happy?

And why did everything have to change?


	2. If Only

"Massie come on get up!"

Dylan Marvil stood over me, repeatedly smacking my arm with a down-filled pillow. We were in the basement of my house, it was mid January, it was absolutely freezing and I was so tired!

"Ugh, Dyl, just go back to sleep will ya?" I covered my head with the top of my sleeping bag. "Kristen's still asleep!" My voice was muffled, but Dylan heard me.

She sat on the pillow and rocked back and forth on it. She looked over at Kristen's sleeping bag. Her dark blond hair was fanned across her pillow and she was gently snoring. "

"Uh, yeah well I did wake her up but she said if I didn't quit whacking her with the pillow, she'd stick it somewhere where the sun doesn't shine. And I've become kinda scared of her ever since she broke that boy Jimmy Hatcher's arm with a soccer ball, 'by mistake'" Dylan made air-quotations around the last bit.

"I hear ya." I giggle, getting up from the warmth of my sleeping bag and rubbing my hands on my bare, goose-pimpled arms. "Are we gonna watch the boys at practice then?" I asked. Dylan nodded.

"Yeah, it's their last practice before the big game. They asked if we could be there for luck. C'mon, you can wake K up and I'll get changed." She scurried over to her Juicy Couture Malibu beach tote, and started pulling clothes out before I could reply. You could tell by the name of her bag that it so was not the right type for this icy kind of weather.

"Kris c'mon, Josh wants you to be there. Come on K, get up" I shake Kristen's shoulder. She moans, but finally sits up and leans her back against the sofa. "Ugh fine, but I feel like crap. I should've gone to bed earlier." I laugh and whip away her sleeping bag before she can crash back down on to it. "No you shouldn't have had those beers before bed!"

She gives me a rueful smile and shakes back her hair. "True."

I drag my clothes over to the radiator so I can get changed with some warmth at least and listen to the rain thunder down outside. Suddenly I don't want to leave the warm, depths of my house to sit for an hour in the wet bleachers of the BOCD soccer field.

"Hey do you think they might cancel practice 'cos of the weather?" I ask, pulling on my olive green A&F sweatpants, and running a comb through my bedraggled hair, combing my side-bangs out over one eye.

Kristen pulled on a fleecy Hollister hoodie and shook her head. "Nah, once, it was like a downpour, literally, and Coach still wouldn't let the girls go indoors. It's kinda suckish, 'cos we can't even take magazines this time."

Dylan made a face. "Can't we pretend Massie's got a life threatening illness and actually go to Starbucks instead?" She ties her red curls in to a floppy bun at the back of her head.

"Hey!" I laugh, "why me?" Kristen smirks, "yeah that probably wouldn't work anyway 'cos Derrick would leave the practice and insist he waits outside your hospital ward for all hours until you get better." The blond and the redhead laugh as I blush. "Stop teasing me you guys it's not funny." I pretend to be upset and Dylan throws her arms around me. "Aw we didn't mean it." I pull on my chestnut Uggs over my sweats and throw my D&G tote over one shoulder. "You ready? Let's go then."

--------------------

As Dylan's birthday was at the beginning of January, she gets her license before any of us, even her boyfriend Cam, so we went to the practice in style, cruising in Dylan's limo while people gaped in amazement at how beautiful we looked inside.

No sorry what I meant was Dylan's century old mint green Toyota (I'm serious, that thing has definitely seen dinosaurs at some point) ran out of gas, even though it's like a ten minute drive, we had to line up for twenty minutes in order to use the gas pump, then Kristen realised she had left her overnight bag back at my place, then Dylan started getting hungry so we needed to stop at someplace to get her a bagel, then just when it couldn't get any worse, Dylan the klutz she is, skidded in to a huge muddy puddle, so by the time we got to the soccer field, the car looked like a huge mint-and-chocolate-chip ice cream scoop. And my hair was wet.

The guys laughed when we saw the state we were in. Dylan burped and threw her onion bagel packaging in the bin. I wrinkled my nose and went over to Derrick. "Hey" I said, giving him a quick kiss.

"Is that all I get for having to brave an hour of soccer in the rain?" He said, his floppy blond hair falling in to his adorable milk chocolate-brown eyes. I laugh and kiss him again, this time for longer.

The girls and I climb the bleachers to try and get the best view, though it doesn't really make a difference for me 'cos I never really get what they're doing anyway.

We see that Alicia, the alpha of BOCD and Claire, her kind of annoying beta, were sitting on the bleachers. Alicia was making Claire hold an umbrella over her while she touched up her red lips with a tube of Chanel lipstick. Alicia waves us over, "hey guys!" she says, blowing us an air kiss. Claire lowers the umbrella, waves, and shoots us a small smile, then goes back to holding the umbrella. She's always been kind of wary about us. Dunno why.

We greet them and then sit a couple of rows in front. All Alicia knows how to do is gossip, and I really wasn't in the mood to know who's hooking up and who's breaking up to be honest. "Why didn't we think of bringing an umbrella?" Dylan mutters as she bites her lip, trying not to complain about her hair growing frizzy "Because oh wise one, you were in too much of a hurry to see Cam Fisher, the love of your life, to worry about catching pneumonia or something far worse. "No don't carry on!" Kristen shrieks. She's such a hypo-chondriac.

Dylan and I manage to survive through an hour of boys kicking a ball in a muddy field, while living through the torture of the possibility our hair could get frizzy and we wouldn't be able to fix it until afterwards. We didn't even have any hair-serum.

I'm not one to usually care about my looks so much, but just as much as the next person, and come on, my boyfriend was just there, and he'll see me looking like a drowned rat or something.

At the end of practice, we hopped down the bleachers and ran across the field to where they stood, talking and laughing. "I take it it's been a good practice!" I say, trying to stifle a yawn. Cam smirks and pulls away from kissing Dylan to answer. "You wouldn't know though would you? We saw you falling asleep on each other. Even Kristen, and she always watches us!" Dylan turns to face Josh. "Oh yeah, your girlfriend is a bit hung-over this morning, so I suggest you don't stick with her too much." Kristen's jaw drops. "Dylan!" she yelps, smacking Dylan's arm. "Hey don't hit my girlfriend" Cam pretends to be annoyed at Kristen, throwing his arms protectively around Dylan. Everyone laughs and we say we'll wait over at Starbucks for them while they shower. Derrick kisses me one last time and then he follows the other guys.

My life was perfect.

That was a typical day.

Designer clothing, fabulous friends, everything was taken for granted.

If only it could have stayed that way...

If only...


	3. My Story

My Story

I wander the school grounds by myself. My vision's blurry. I don't know whether it's because of tears or the aftermath of the contents of the bottles hidden under my bed.

I pull the sleeves of my ratty A&F sweater over my hands and wonder when things are gonna change. If they change.

Students stare at me as I walk through the quad. I probably look a sight. My side-bangs are way overgrown and my clothes are stained with mud. I don't feel anything like I would have, say six months ago.

I swig from my navy Puma water-bottle, dragging a hand across my mouth. When I filled it up this morning I didn't realise I hadn't put in just water. There were other liquids in there which would land me in detention if the teachers got hold of what they were.

I spot Dylan Marvil sitting on a bench by a big bushy tree, tossing her professionally straightened, dyed blond hair over her shoulder, winking at a hot boy watching her. The times when I knew her as my goofy, funny, thoughtful best friend with the laughing green eyes and crazy red hair seem like a lifetime ago.

Now, coldness lies behind her blue contacts and her smiles are all fake. I don't even think she remembers a single good time we had together.

I slump on to a bench and see Josh Hotz. He walks past with Cam Fisher. Josh shoots me a wary half-smile and Cam just hurries along. Son of a...

I shouldn't think of him that way though. I brought everything along myself.

I lean my head against the scratched wood of the bench and finger a crack in the arm.

It all started that Halloween...

But I'll get on to that later.

I'll give you a few 'good times' moments first.

Then we'll get on to the bad stuff.

The stuff that either is forgotten-out of choice or by mistake-or remembered for decades afterwards.

It's my stuff.

My life.

My story.


	4. Be There For Me

I frown and pull out my Shakespeare textbook. Dylan and Kristen had been acting really weird for like a week now. They kept whispering with the guys saying things like; "have you got it ready" and "have you sorted out the..." Whenever I came near they changed the subject. I would grill Dylan and Kristen later, but for now I needed to actually do some revision in Study period, instead of talking and playing Truth or Dare or something. The teacher, Miss Howard, mysteriously disappeared outside for like the whole lesson so we did pretty much whatever we wanted.

"Hey, what are you doing Mass?" Kristen called from the other side of the classroom, sashaying round the tables to get over to me. Josh, Cam and Dylan follow. Cam looks surprised; "You're actually doing that crap? I thought it was optional!"

I playfully roll my eyes and smack his firm arm "no Cameron it counts for like 10% of our coursework or something. I dunno what Mr Mackenzie was talking about. I was kinda too busy playing on my phone. I've spent so many Literature lessons on Snake that I've got like the highest score in the world."

Derrick saunters over to our table. "Hey whassup?" he asks, pecking me on the cheek. He pulls a chair over and sits down. "Is it sorted?" he mutters to Plovert who's working his way through pages of Geometry. That dude is a whiz at math, but so darn dumb when it comes to common sense. Just like Kemp is so dumb and so clever at...Ok maybe he's not too clever but he's a great guy.

I slam my textbook on the table, but it doesn't make as loud a noise as I had hoped. "Hello? Will someone please tell me what's going on? Everyone's been talking and then like changing the subject whenever I come near. What are you scheming? To have a math strike or something? Because I'd really support you if it was that."

Everyone shifts in their seat and blurts out something different from each other at different times.

"We haven't"

"It's just kinda like"

"Well..."

"It goes like this, we-"

"I made fish!"

Kemp blurts out the last one and everyone is quiet. "Dude" Cam hisses, "you couldn't think of anything better than 'I made fish'" Everyone sniggers, even me, and just when I'm about to start asking them again, Miss Howard comes in for like the first time that semester. Talk about bad timing.

On Sunday it's my 16th birthday, so Kristen and Dylan say they'll take me out on Saturday. We go shopping after school on Friday to buy outfits and then on Saturday they come round to mine so we can dress up together.

The bell rings on Saturday and I shuffle out in my Havaianas from the living room where I'm lounging on the sofa watching a recorded episode of Gossip Girl. I open it and Kristen and Dylan tumble in, in a flurry of bags and makeup cases. "Heyyy!" I say. "Let's go upstairs. Oh my God Dylan is that your kitchen sink?"

A half hour later we're ready. Kristen keeps getting mysterious phone calls. "You're not seeing someone behind Josh's back, are you Kris?" I tease, running my GHD's through my hair. "Yeah and his name is Derrick Harrington!" Dylan laughs from the inside of the bathroom where she's changing. Kristen threads a drop-down silver earring through her earlobe and blushes. "Course not."

I step out from my walk-in closet and twirl so my short, asymmetric hemmed dress flares out. "Whaddaya think?" I ask, putting my hands on y hips. The dress is gold and dark turquoise with tons of sequins. It's glitzy, glam and very blingy. "You look amazing Mass!" the girls gush. So do they. Kristen is wearing a purple dress with a fitted bodice and short puffball skirt. Its scattered with glitter and her hair falls softly to her shoulders in blond curls. She looks incredible and I tell her that.

Dylan has on an emerald green wraparound mini-dress which brings out her eyes. It's made of raw silk with diamantes glittering from the hem. It's classic and stylish.

We grab our purses and go down the stairs. Dylan's bought her sister's car this time so we really do get to travel in style in the black BMW. When we're in the car I ask, "So where are we actually going then?"

"It's a surprise!" Dylan sing-songs as she pulls out of the drive. I'm very suspicious but don't say anything else. "Oh dammit, I left my wallet at home, can we quickly stop there?"

"Well, I can pay-"I start but Dylan interrupts, "no its ok we'll go back. It has her door key in it as well." I'm puzzled. How is she gonna get in now then?"

We reach Kristen's three story house and she gets out the car. "Come on in. Grab a soda or something." I do feel like a Diet Coke I guess, so I follow her up to the front door, Dylan behind me.

Inside, it's dark. All the lights are switched off. I follow Kristen down the hall in to the living room.

"Kris, this is kinda creppy, can we switch the-AARGH!"

"SURPRISE!"

I'm so shocked! Like the whole of the grade is there. I slap a hand over my heart and start laughing "Oh my God you guys!" I begin, looking around me. There's a huge silver banner with 'Happy Birthday Massie!' sprinkled across in purple glitter. There's a Jonas Brothers song on and there are streamers and loads of snacks and drinks, all in Kristen's living room. My eyes well up with tears. I'm so touched!

Derrick comes over to me looking hot in Ralph Lauren and True Religion. "Aww Mass don't cry!" he says flinging his arms around me.

"Thankyou!" I mumble in to his polo, breathing in his D&G The One aftershave. My other friends come over to me. I keep thanking them and then we go over to the centre of the room to dance.

I loved my friends like they were my brothers and sisters. (Except Derrick of course)

They were basically my life and soul.

I had them with me through whatever life bought.

Well, except when everything changed.

Then it was hard to imagine them _ever _being there for me.


	5. Three Stars

**Hey Guys! Thanks geepogirl for your lovely review. This chapter is for you! **

**Also, Happy Halloween and I'll try to update later as well. Enjoy!**

* * *

In Biology we're learning about how alcohol affects your system.

That's definitely something I would know about.

I'm in the same class as Kristen Gregory. Remember her? She's now friends with Olivia Ryan. Her academic knowledge has now been taken up by celebrity knowledge and who's dating who, and which plastic surgeons are the best.

Kristen sits a row in front of me. I sit next to this loser Layne Abeley. Does that classify me as loser? Probably.

Unlike Dylan, Kristen hasn't changed her hair or eye colour. She as a person has definitely changed though.

I used to know her better than anyone else.

Her books would always be neatly put in order of subject in her bag and she would never ever crumple a worksheet up or hand in a messy piece of work. She was such a perfectionist.

Now her large, quilted Chanel bag is overflowing with YSL lip-glosses, People magazines, bottles of Diet Coke, crumpled up sheets and letters to her parents which she 'forgot' to give to them.

Olivia Ryan can't help being dumb and an airhead, Kristen can.

I listen to Mrs Davies drone on about the chemicals which we're damaging ourselves with and I doodle on my wrist with a purple pen.

I remember the first time my friends and I all tried alcohol.

That was near when everything started falling apart.

Mrs Davies is right. It does stop you thinking, knowing...caring.

I look at what I've drawn on my wrist. Three stars, each with five points.

I remember that as well. When Dylan, Kristen and I...

Anyway. That's all to come.

Three Stars.

Three Lives.

Three Destinies.


	6. Only Fate

**Sorry this might suck but please read anyway and I would love love love it if you reviewed! Thankyou! Lotsa love, Juicyxx**

* * *

"Hey where's Dylan?" I dump my Marc Jacobs snakeskin tote on the table Kristen's perched on and cup my chin in my hands. Spanish is definitely the worst subject.

Kristen frowns and pulls away from Josh, turning to face me. "I haven't seen her all morning. Let's go ask someone or something. C'mon" I follow her out the classroom and down the corridor of lockers.

Heather, a petition-obsessed petite girl with crazy purple hair stops us as she comes out of the girls' bathrooms. "Um, your friend Dylan's in there. She's really upset." She scurries off.

Kristen and I look at each other then we both run in to the bathrooms. Dylan isn't there but there's a cubicle with the door closed. "Dyl, Dylan are you there?"

Dylan sniffles and unlocks the cubicle door, coming out. Her eyes are red with black smudgy tear tracks down her pink cheeks where her mascara has run. "Oh honey what's wrong?" me and Kristen ask, concerned.

Dylan sobs in to Kristen's shoulder as Kristen hugs her. I rub Dylan's back.

"My-my m-mom and d-dad are g-getting divorced!" she wails and then bursts in to tears again. I'm honestly sorry for Dylan. Someone as sweet, cheerful and happy-go-lucky as her doesn't deserve to be as sad as this.

"It's ok Dyl, maybe it's for the best. And you'll always have us, your friends. Forever. We'll never let you down."

Yeah, that soon changed didn't it.

Dylan sniffs and wipes her nose with a tissue. "I-I know. I knew it was c-coming anyway because they were always f-fighting, but it's just r-really hard!"

Kristen and I spend the whole lunchtime comforting Dylan. We camp out in the girls' bathrooms as people go in and out. Dylan unzips her Prada messenger bag to show us something and her pencil case snaps open and tumbles out all over the floor. "Shit!" Dylan scrambles around on the floor, collecting up the fallen pens. I see a purple pen with little gold stars patterned up along the base.

It looks familiar. I pick it up and ink three stars on my wrist. "This is the pen we found in the 3rd grade, and we were freaked out sorta, because it never ran out of ink."

Without a word Kristen picks it up and draws the same three stars I did, on her right wrist. Dylan does the same. "I'll always be there for you Dylan and Kristen" I murmur. "Me too" Kristen declares, "and me. You can count on it".

We do a big group hug and then slip the pen back in Dylan's pencil case.

Standing up I wince. "Ouch my knees hurt!" I laugh. "My butt!" groans Dylan.

We laugh and link arms, walking out of the bathroom.

Towards our lessons

Or towards our future

Together

Or apart

Only fate can decide.

* * *

**Please spread the word and before you do anything else review please!!**


	7. Anything But Fun

_Anything but fun_

I sit against the wall of the cafeteria on the outside, my bag leaning against my leg. I usually come here just to think, to contemplate life.

Ok, and to get away from the crowded cafeteria where all my ex-friends are.

I frown when I hear voices.

I thought no-one else ever came here.

Then, Dylan Marvil herself saunters round the corner with a bunch of her little followers. I'm surprised they can all even walk, their minis are so tight.

Dylan doesn't even bother to look at me, just wafts past, although she's so close I can smell the fruity hairspray on her long blond locks. Her cronies glare and then follow. I shoot them a sarcastic grin, and then roll my eyes.

I suppose Dylan has done quite well.

The only friends she had were Kristen and me, and then the guys of course.

After her parents got divorced, her mother became the famous talk-show host of The Daily Grind. She became so rich; I guess Dylan bought her friends, not that her mom would mind. Dylan didn't drink, smoke...

As I was saying before, I remember the first time we tried alcohol. Alicia's party.

I remember getting ready for the party as well.

I can't muster up the courage to think about what happened at the party, so I'll think about getting ready.

That was fun.

It was great.

Until things fell apart.

That was horrid.

That was anything but fun.

* * *

**Please review! You'll make my day! And I'll do the party scene soon I promise!**


	8. Bit By Bit

**Hey!! This was gonna be a Halloween special but it's February in the book, so I made it into a Fancy Dress Party instead! Please review!**_

* * *

_

_Bit By Bit_

"Dylan!" I yell through the bathroom door where my best friend is changing, "hurry up, Kristen and I are ready!"

"Coming!" Dylan opens the door and struts out, "Guess who I am Mass?"

I burst out laughing. She is The Corpse bride, complete with a stringy purple and black wig and tons of white face paint, black lips protruding scarily from the white. She hitches up her ripped white mini dress (Dylan said she would never wear a wedding dress apart from her actual wedding day) and flicks her dirty veil back. "Oh my God can I have your autograph Hannah!" she yells at me.

I laugh and flick back a strand of my long blond wig. I'm Hannah Montana for Alicia's fancy dress party. I'm wearing a Juicy Couture leather jacket, white skinny jeans tucked in to embroidered riding boots and a lime green tank with tons of lip-gloss and glitter eye-shadow.

"Hey where's Kristen then?" Dylan walks over to my bedroom. "Oh my gosh K!" Dylan giggles. She's a cheerleader which to some wouldn't be much of a costume to anyone other than Kristen who once vowed she'd never be anything as materialistic, shallow and plain dumb as a cheerleader.

Six months later she would be the captain of the team.

Kristen's hair is piled on top of her head and her tanned arms are sprayed with iridescent gold body glitter. She's wearing a tiny micro-mini and a matching tank with a big glittery 1 on the back.

"Ok so we're going to meet the guys at the party then?" I ask, touching up my gold eyeliner and then snapping the cap back on, tossing it in my Dooney and Bourke cosmetic bag. Kristen pulls up her knee high black socks and nods, "yup."

"Ok. Let's go then!"

As I follow the girls out my room and switch off the light, I notice that the little potted rose plant on the window ledge has lost most of its petals.

I just saunter past it, the heels on my boots clicking as I walk down the stairs.

Little did I know that the rose would symbolize my life.

Perfect and full, and then having things plucked away.

Bit,

By,

Bit


	9. Important To Me

**Hey guys! I love your reviews so thanks so much to all of you! This chapter is dedicated to geepogirl for reviewing three times so thanks! **

**I have a few exams coming up (spanish, biology and maths) so there wll be larger spaces between posts, but I'll do my best! **

**Enjoy! (and review!)**

_Important To Me_

I'm sitting at a random table in the library, filling my Biology worksheet with made-up answers when Olivia Ryan plops down next to me.

"Hi!" she squeals, her navy eyes glitter in the light. I raise an eyebrow, "uh hi".

She opens her A&F canvas tote and pulls out the same worksheet. She place sit on the work-bench and ties her hair up in a wispy ballerina bun. "Kristen's at cheerleading practice. You know I tried or the team, but Miss Beal said I was too delicate and frail."

She says it like it's a compliment.

"Anyway, Kristen's really good, have you seen her? And she looks incredible in the uniform. She says it has always been her dream to be on the team, especially as captain. She's wanted to for years."

I snort and look at Olivia for the first time, "That's the biggest bunch of crap I've heard in my life. Kristen once swore she'd never be a cheerleader. It's always been her nightmare, not her dream."

I turn back to the worksheet as Olivia adjusts the hem of her pale yellow skirt on her knees, the crinkled material quivering. "W-well, she's my friend, she wouldn't lie to me. She's really nice and i trust her."

Aww, bless her! Psh. Yeah right.

I sigh and just carry on doodling in answers. Olivia looks at my sheet and frowns, shaking her head.

"No, no, no you've got that wrong. You wrote 'don't care' when actually it's 'damages the system'. Where did you get 'don't care' from, it wasn't even in the answer options."

She is so dumb.

"Look Olivia, I don't even care ok? You do your thing and I do mine. And I'd really appreciate it if you would let me work in peace."

She nods but doesn't move. Twiddling her pencil she says, "did you know that I've never tried alcohol, only at my cousin's wedding when I had pink champagne. I don't because it's harmful, like you learn in Bio."

I roll my eyes and dump my stuff in my bag. Yeah, I would most definitely know about it being harmful.

Olivia grins at me and flashes me a dazzling smile. "See you soon Massie!" she yells, earning a stern look from Mrs Beak, the librarian.

I turn my back on her and walk back to my locker.

She's lucky.

She has friends,

Hasn't had alcohol damage her,

She gets away with anything with the teachers,

Hasn't had alcohol damage her,

She gets invited to parties,

Hasn't had alcohol damage her,

And even though everyone says she's annoying, she still has a high status.

And she hasn't had alcohol damage her

That's definitely the most important point.

At least, to me it is.


	10. Just the Start

**Hey Guys!!! Thanks for the reviews which made me feel all warm and fuzzy! **

**This chapter is decicated to Maria-Claire4Luver for reviewing like every single chapter of this and The Black Opal (which by the way might take some time to be updated). **

**Please review once you finish! By the way I didn't realise it had disabled the anonymous review thingy so I've enabled it so peeps without accounts can review. **

**Also, the wait was worth it for me cos the revision paid off as I got 100% in my Spanish listening and writing, and worth it for you cos this is 5 Word pages! Whoo Go Me!!! **

**Enjoy!**

_

* * *

Just the Start_

"Dude, can you stop checking your hair for at least ten minutes?" Cam playfully punched Josh on his arm as the dark haired boy snickered bashfully, pulling the brim of his NYY hat down and shoving his hands in to the pockets of his Ralph Lauren jeans.

The guys were outside of Alicia's house where all the smokers were. They were waiting for the girl's who said they would be there at nine. It was nine-thirty and they still hadn't arrived.

Derrick leaned against the brick wall of Alicia's house and sighed, misty puffs of white breath circling in to the air, as he felt the vibrations of the music pounding through the wall. Blonde Paris-Hilton wannabes kept checking the guys out, but most of them knew the boys were unavailable anyway.

Derrick was dressed up as a soccer player, which wasn't difficult 'cos his wardrobe was basically stuffed with soccer shirts.

Josh was a Ralph Lauren model in RL jeans, a crisp white polo that popped against his tanned skin, RL sunglasses even though it was dark, and a RL watch, just to top it off.

Cam was Prince Charming (Dylan had bullied him in to it) in silk breeches, a ruffled shirt and buckled boots, and even though the guys kept teasing him, he still looked incredibly hot with his black hair flopping in to his one-green-one-blue eyes.

Kemp and Plovert were twin Ozzy Osbourne's with long, stringy black wigs, round black tinted glasses and white face paint with droopy black clothes. They looked hysterical.

There was a roar and Massie's Mercedes screeches to a halt outside the house. It's a birthday present from her parents. Derrick looks up and a smile plays at his lips. She looks awesome driving it.

--------------------

I step out of the car, the blond fringe from my wig falling in to my amber coloured eyes. My face lights up as she sees the guys and Kristen and Dylan follow me up the stone steps towards them.

"Hey! Sorry we're late, Dylan couldn't decide between Nude Black and Bare Black. In the end she decided to just go for Black Black." I give Derrick a kiss and a dozen blonde Barbie look-alikes groan as they watch.

"What? They were completely different!" Dylan slaps Cam's arm as he laughs along with the guys.

Everyone steps inside the Rivera Estate. Most of the people were in the large front room which was once a ballroom in like another life. Now, you could never imagine it as somewhere so grand.

There is a mess of bottles, cigarettes, handbags, shoes, half-eaten food and just plain junk, littered across the floor. And there are dozens and dozens of people in different costume. Alicia sure knew how to throw a party, and actually get loads of people to come.

Kristen grabs a bottle from the side and grins; "wanna play?" She has to shout over the loud music.

She realises that there's still some drink in there and frowns. "Who wants to finish it?" she waves the bottle in the air, liquid sloshes about inside it. Kemp sniggers, "you mean you've never tried beer before?"

I roll my eyes and smack his arm. "Yeah Kemp, the closest you've ever had is like the drops from your Dad's empty can after a baseball game or something."

None of us had ever drunk alcohol before except the odd champagne or glass of wine on special occasions.

Plovert snickers, "she read you like a book Hurley!"

Kemp blushes behind the white face paint "Fine. I will if you do." He says to Plovert.

"Hey, if we do it, everyone has to do it." Plovert looks at us sceptically. I glance at Derrick. He looks back and raises his eyebrows in a 'do you mind' kind of way. I shrug and look away. It's not like I'm asking him to have a whole bottle. Derrick nods, "yeah fine. What harm can it bring?"

A lifetime of misery, breakups with friends, the deepest feeling of loneliness? But of course, I didn't know that then.

Cam pulls Dylan closer towards him. "What about the girls?" he asks.

"Well they have to do it as well. It's not like a one-gender thing."

Cam opens his mouth to protest, but I roll my eyes and grab a bottle from the side. "Cool it Fisher, it's just a drink. What's it gonna do? We'll have one drink. Just one"

Derrick looks impressed. I pull the lid off with my teeth as everyone opens their own bottle and we hold our bottles up for a toast. Kinda cheesy but so what.

"To...us." Kristen declares.

"To us" we echo and clink bottles, knocking back the drink. It burns my throat and sets my mouth on fire, but in a kind of exhilarating way. The feeling you get when you know you're doing something wrong but wanna just carry on and on doing it because it gives you such an intense feeling. Everyone has stopped as I carry on slugging it back. The bottle's not that big, and I drain it, wiping my mouth on my so that glittery gloss comes off on to the sleeve of my jacket. I feel slightly dizzy from the sudden rush but I giggle and toss the bottle to the side as they stare at me.

"What?!" I laugh, moving towards the centre of the room and throw my hands in the air. The drink has given me a sudden burst of adrenalin and I want to use up my energy. I start dancing through the crowds in search of another drink as Dylan moves after me.

She pulls me back as I crack open another bottle from a tipped over side table.

"What are you doing? It was only for a dare, you don't need to have another one." She knocks the bottle out of my hands and it smashes on the floor, but the cracking noise is disguised by the heavy music. I pout at her and move away.

She pulls me back again, "Mass, let's go back to the guys." I let her pull me back, slightly grudgingly.

Derrick slaps me on the back when I walk over to him. "Nice going Block!" he beams. I grin back and fall in to his arms.

Kristen frowns as Dylan whispers in her ear. "Don't encourage her Derrick!" She scolds him. I roll my eyes.

"C'mon guys, it's only a drink."

"Yeah, well I didn't like it."

"So, that's your opinion."

"What so you did like it?"

"Yeah it was ok. Big deal!"

Dylan and I fire comments back and forth.

"At least I haven't taken this as an excuse to wear my tiniest dress, and act a tiny bit modest with a dumb bridal veil!"

Dylan fumes. "At least I don't look like Miss Slut of the century. Who decides to go blond?"

Kristen waves her hand in front of Dylan's face as the guys' eyes move back and forth between us, like they're watching a tennis game with Svetlana Slootskyia. "That can hurt blonds' like me in case you haven't realised."

Dylan pushes Kristen's hand away and sneers at me, "you enjoyed that drink? Well if you have one more, then I am officially resigning from being your best friend."

I scoff, "friendship is like a job to you? No wonder Kristen and I are your only friends. In fact make that only Kristen 'cos I am officially not your friend anymore." I grab the half finished bottle from the surprised Josh and press the warm brim to my mouth, draining it, and then thump it down on the table. I sway slightly as I walk away. "And if Kristen has any sense, she won't be your friend either!" I call over my shoulder, going in search for another drink.

--------------------

An hour later, none of the guys had seen Massie, and in that time, exactly seventeen girls had tried to prise Derrick away from his friends. Kristen had just clung to Josh's arm so they didn't try to take him as well.

Right then, everyone was involved in a huge game of Spin the Bottle.

Allie-Rose Singer crawled a bit closer to the bottle and spun it. It landed on Cam and Dylan glared at Cam before he quickly kissed Allie-Rose. Then Cam landed on Alicia (which made Dylan even more mad) and Alicia (who was dressed as a dirty devil, like come _awn_ that was so four years ago!) landed on Kemp (Kemp had practically fainted) and Kemp landed on Kori and Kori landed on Plovert and Plovert landed on Strawberry and Strawberry landed on Derrick (ew) and Derrick landed on Olivia and Olivia landed on Josh...It went on for ages.

Suddenly the sound of high-pitched laughter was heard. Massie tottered through to the area of the circle, clinging to an Abercrombie-model-worthy guy's arm. She looked a total mess.

Her hair was haywire; her jeans had a huge brown stain down one leg, her boots were all scuffed and on one, the heel had snapped off so she was now half-walking half-staggering.

She flung her jacket to the side and pulled and leaned down to kiss Derrick's neck. He pulled away, seething. "What the hell Block? You're hanging on to another guy; I mean who is this dude? The only way I would be ok with you practically on top of him, was if he was your brother or something. And even then, that's pretty intimate. What's going on?"

Massie dropped down next to him, laughing hysterically for no reason while the game of Spin the Bottle stopped. Yeah dramas like this always happened at house parties, but someone like Massie wouldn't be expected to be, well, drunk.

"Oh Derrick you worry too much. I'm a big girl. I'm fine!" Massie giggled, flopping down on the carpet. Derrick looked away in disgust as she drank from another bottle. Cam sighed and got up, pulling the bottle away from her lips.

"That's enough Mass. Come on. I'm taking you home." Cam cocked his head towards the door and Josh and the girls jumped up. Derrick reluctantly did as well. Then Derrick deftly scooped a wailing Massie up in his arms and, ignoring her protests, took her towards Cam's BMW. He laid her out on the back seat and turned back towards Cam. "So who's gonna drive Massie's?"

They decided that Derrick would drop the Dylan and Kristen home and then take the car back to Massie's where Cam would drop her off. Then Cam would take Josh and Derrick back to his place.

--------------------

I woke up, feeling the soft leather of the sofa in my living room behind my back. What was I doing here? Oh yeah. Derrick couldn't take me upstairs so I crashed down here...And oh God! Derrick! I had really hurt him and my head was killing! I tried to sit up but slumped back down, groaning. In the end, I staggered in to the kitchen, noting that I was still in last night's clothes. The house seemed quiet now that Mom was in Spain. Dad had probably left for work already. I was glad that Mom was coming back tomorrow; the house was too quiet without her.

I put the kettle on to boil and slumped down at the oak table, groaning again. I had really messed up. I had made a fool of myself in front of my friends, I had fallen out with Dylan and I had practically cheated on Derrick.

I filled a mug with coffee and poured the water from the kettle in to it, massaging my temples. I dragged off my stupid Hannah Montana wig and realised someone had taken my boots off. Must have been Derrick...My thoughts were interrupted by my phone ringing. I flipped it open without checking the ID and yawned in to the speaker, "hello?"

Dylan started yelling through it. I winced and held it away. That girl's voice was way too loud to hear first thing in the morning, especially when your hung-over.

I held it back again once she had stopped yelling. "I heard Derrick, hurt, drunk and ashamed. That was pretty much it."

Dylan sighs and hisses, "just make sure you fix things. Derrick's really hurt. You should care more about other people's feelings in future. He's been through a lot you know!" She hung up and I was left with the line buzzing. Wait, did Dylan have a crush on...on Derrick?

I speed-dial Derrick and he picks up after like a billion rings. I can hear girls giggling in the background. Oh God...

"D? You there?"

"Oh, you."

I roll my eyes. "Well obviously. Look Derrick, I'm really, really sorry about last night I-"

Derrick interrupts, "yeah Massie whatever. You got your guy, I get-"

"What are you talking about? I was with him for like one second I-"

He interrupts again, a bit impatiently as he hears the girls in the background calling him. Who were those bitches anyway? How dare they take my boyfriend?!

"Look Massie. You just carry on with your thing, and I will with mine. You really messed up last night, but I understand. It's cool. You and Carter made out so I guess he's your boyfriend now."

WTF? "We made out? What? I'm sorry for everything else but I would never cheat-"

"He told me himself Massie. Don't lie; look I'll see you around. Later. Oh and by the way I want the Abercrombie sweater back that you took from my room." The line goes dead and I stare at the phone in disbelief. I take a sip of coffee but it has gone cold. I can't believe all this is happening to me...

Yeah Right

Little did I know,

This was when everything started going wrong, plummeting down.

This was just the start.


	11. Mom

_Mom_

I trail my bag on the ground as I walk across the dew-soaked grass; drizzly rain softly falls on my head as I wrap my puffy North Face tighter around me.

I carefully meander around the lumps of grass in the ground, looking for a similar gravestone.

The graves carry on as far as the eye can see, but I know exactly where the one I go to is.

I trudge up the slight hill, walking towards a grave. It's simple, not extravagant like the others, swathed with flowers; teddy bears wrapped in gauze and exaggerated marble gravestones.

The gravestone is made from plain grey stone, and a small bundle of wilted primroses sit on the soil mound.

I haven't been here in ages. The last time I came here was when I got an A in English Literature. I thought she deserved to know.

I kneel next to the grave, and my eyes well up, like they do every time I come here. At first I didn't want to come. I hated her for leaving me when I needed her most. She just left. No warning, no signs, just...gone.

Then I decided I would come. It was God's decision what happened. Even though I hated her for leaving me, I loved her at the same time, like I always will.

A single tear spills out of the corner of my eye, trickling down my cheek as the rain starts to fall harder. I gently touch the moist soil, laying down my small bunch of daisies on the wet earth.

"Hello...Mom."


	12. Unforgivable

**Hey Guys!! **

**This chapter is dedicated to everyone who has reviewed, added me to their story alerts, added my story to their favourite stories, added me to their author alerts, and added me to their favourite authors list!! Thanks so much, whenever I get an e-mail saying that someone has done one of the above, it makes me so, so, so happy!! The only thing is, I love, love, love it when you add me to your alerts, but if you're going to then can you review as well? Pretty please...*bats eyelashes trying to look cute*! **

**Anyways sit back and enjoy...(btw do you want it to end soon or be longer cos I can do either way...Also, do you want pairings to change in future chapters??) **

**Please review and tell me!**

_

* * *

_

Unforgivable

I sigh as I plop down at a table in the library, opening my Physics textbook and turning to the right page.

Monday so far has been horrible as Mondays usually are, but this time it was worse without Dylan or Derrick. They had even turned Cam against me. Kemp and Plovert were ok, so were Kristen and Josh, but it just wasn't the same.

Cam was disgusted with me after Derrick told him that I had made out with Carter. He hadn't even tried to give me a chance to explain.

Ugh. I am never going blond again, wig or hair-dye. It's definitely bad luck.

Lunchtime was awkward. Usually we all sit at Table 18, but this time Kristen sat down there where everyone else was without realising that I couldn't exactly, seeing as I wasn't talking to like half the people there.

I stood there self-consciously, and in the end decided to sit at the end of the table next to Josh. During the whole period of lunch, girls kept coming up to Derrick and flirting with him, tossing their hair and giggling at his witty comments.

I just kept my head down, my side bangs flopping over my eye as I silently ate my baked potato.

The thing I was most shocked about was Dylan though. She had completely changed over like two days. She was wearing a tiny Chip&Pepper miniskirt and the tightest low-cut blouse ever. Her platforms practically made her dwarf me I swear. She was definitely doing it so that Derrick would notice her, now that he was available.

Ouch. It hurt even saying that. At least she hadn't done anything drastic yet like dye her hair or something. That was probably going to come though.

I had quickly finished the rest of my salad, and then scraped my chair back, the sound was so loud that it caused everyone to turn and look at me. Great. I flushed and gathered my Abercrombie bag in my arms, tossing my rubbish in the trash.

"I'll be in the library." I hiss to Kristen and then quickly walk off, sensing they're eyes on my back.

And that's why I came here, to the library.

Just as I'm giving up on my Physics work, Kristen appears from round the door. She is fuming.

"What the hell? You were going to steal Josh? That was your whole plan wasn't it!" she yells, not caring about the flabbergasted faces from people all around us. I am stunned myself.

"W-what? Kristen what are you-"

She puts her hand on her hips. The yellow of her Lacoste halter clashes with the bright, angry red of her face.

"I know and you know exactly what is going on. You were going to steal Josh!"

"Kristen I swear, your my best friend, so is Josh I would never do anything like that I-"

"Don't give me any of that shit! It all adds up! I can't believe I was ever your friend!"

"Kristen I would never do anything like that ever I swear! Please believe me!"

Mrs Field, the librarian has had enough. "Girls" she thunders, walking over to us, her cropped brown hair is alarmingly standing up on end.

"Get out of this library now; you are banned for a month from stepping foot in here for disrupting everyone. Now get!" she points a finger to the door as Kristen and I walk out.

In the corridor Kristen carries on yelling, "you've always wanted him haven't you? Derrick was never enough! It all makes sense now!" she gives a humourless laugh.

"Kristen I don't have any clue what you are talking about? Josh is like my brother! And where did you hear all this shit anyway?"

Kristen hesitates before replying in a slightly smaller voice, "Dylan."

I don't believe it! She believed that cow!

I am angry. I am really upset and angry for the fact that Kristen even believed Dylan about something like that, especially when Dylan and I have just had a fight.

"Well maybe you should get your facts straight! I can't believe you would even think that! How can I trust you then? Maybe we are better off just not being friends. I don't want to be friends with a dishonest, un-reliable cow." Kristen's jaw drops as she registers my words.

I am gone before she replies.

--------------------

I'm still angry all through Social Studies, my class with none of my old friends. When the lesson ends, I walk to my locker and see Dylan and Cam hanging about by Dylan's locker which is opposite mine.

"Oh look, it's the slut slash boyfriends-stealer. Poor Kristen." She sneers.

I have had enough.

"What is your problem bitch?" I shout, dropping my bag and stepping over to her.

"Mine? What is yours?" Dylan yells back after composing herself from my sudden outburst.

"You're problem is that you're a slutty, bitchy, nasty, spiteful, hurtful cow!" I practically scream. "You make people's lives miserable and turn friends away from each other. You are horrible!"

Cam turns to me fiercely. "And what about you? Can't even control how much you drink at a dumb party? Cheats on her boyfriend-"

"I did not cheat on him!" I screech. People have now started forming a circle around us three. "I made a dumb mistake by going off with that guy even though we didn't even make out or anything! Haven't you ever made a mistake Fisher?"

Dylan smirks. "Yeah well obviously everyone makes mistakes but come on, poor Derrick. He deserves more than a slut like you."

That does it. I punch her square in the jaw. She gasps and clutches her mouth, blood trickling through her fingers.

I scoop my bag up and shakily make my way back down the corridor. I turn back at the door leading out and see everyone looking back at me.

"And what about your little crush on Derrick, huh Marvil? Little Cameron doesn't know about that I bet."

There are some times when people do things that are pretty much unforgivable.

This situation is one of those times.

On my part or theirs, I don't know.

I turn back around and head out, leaving the mess behind me.

* * *


	13. I Cry

**Heyyy! This is chapter 13... **

**BTW, do you want it to end soon or carry on and do you want a sad ending or a happy ending? Also, please give me ideas if you want pairings to change and how long you wnat it to be etc cos i'm pretty flexible!**

**Enjoy and review, even if you didn't like it :) **_

* * *

I Cry_

I groan as I struggle through pages of Math homework, my books lit dimly with my dull desk-light.

I close my book and shove it back in my old Kate Spade bag that I found in the attic. I call it vintage, though some people would call it 'so last year'.

I turn around on my swivel chair and study the mess I call my bedroom. Clothes, take-away pizza boxes, shoes, green and brown alcohol bottles and random torn up test papers are strewn across the barely visible floor.

I sigh and take a look at the clock. 00:03. I'll clean my room, take a shower and probably watch a movie before bed. I never really bother to get to class early or even on time anymore, so going to bed late doesn't really faze me.

I open my wardrobe and study the mess. I pull clothes off the hangers and toss them on to the floor, scheduling a last-minute clearout.

I toss jeans which are too small for me and sweaters which are getting holes in them in to one pile and clothes that I'm keeping in to another, all the while taking swigs from a can of beer. I hear my Dad trudge up the stairs from his office and quickly shove my beer under a couple of pairs of jeans.

"Massie, go to bed then afterwards, it's getting really late."

I carry on tossing clothes out and mumble, "yeah whatever Dad. See you in the morning."

I guess I kinda feel sorry for Dad. He works from morning till night, earning way more money than we need between just us two.

I clear out my whole closet, and am just about to shove clothes for charity in to a roll of bin-bags, when I come across a small cardboard box at the back of my wardrobe. The breath catches in my throat. My hand shakes and I tremble as I carefully pull it out. I haven't looked in this box for over six months.

I prise off the tape on the flaps, remembering the day I vowed never to open this box again. I pull open the cardboard flaps and cautiously pull out the objects one by one.

Strips of silly photos of Kristen, Dylan and I, taken from the photo-booth at the mall.

The best friend key-ring Dylan gave me.

The perfume samples Josh used to toss me which came whenever he got a new Ralph Lauren aftershave.

The cute but cheesy bear holding a heart, that Derrick won for me at the fair.

Kemp's macaroni and cheese recipe in his messy scrawl, written on the back of a Juniors take-out menu.

Plovert's Chemistry notes which helped me pass like all of my exams.

I've kept everything.

I look at all these things, plain, random objects to some people, but valuable sentiments of my old life.

The one I'd left behind.

Then at the bottom of the box, I pull out a golden-blond wig, long tendrils fall through my fingers. I remember the one and only night I wore it, and drop it suddenly as I collapse down on my floor and cry, and cry, and cry.

I cry for Dylan.

I cry for Derrick.

I cry for all my old friends.

I cry for all the mistakes I ever made.

I cry for people like Olivia, who probably will never know why I am so stand-offish.

And I cry for my Mom.

When I'm all out of tears I fiercely shove everything back in the box and push it to the back of my closet again. I severely rub my tears away, furious at myself for showing weakness and remorse.

I quickly hang the rest of my clothes up and then crawl under the covers of my bed, switching off my lamp, but keeping my eyes open, tears reluctantly trickling down my cheeks.

That has been the first time I have cried since after Mom died.

I've never cried about breaking up with my old friends until now.

I always felt so irritated with them, so stubborn about ever feeling that maybe, just maybe...

I missed them.


	14. The Kiss

_The Kiss_

I didn't want to go to school again today after what happened yesterday, so I said to my Dad that I was sick.

I lounged around the house all day with a mug of coffee and a stack of magazines.

I wasn't in a good mood.

Kristen had sent me a text that morning saying not to pick her up from school like I usually did, Dylan was getting a new car and she was holding carpool now.

I sat at the kitchen table, flicking through a copy of Seventeen, when my cell-phone started ringing.

I bit my lip before looking at the caller ID. It was Dad.

Breathing out a sigh of relief and flipped it open. "Hello?"

"Massie, I have some very important news about your Mother. I'm coming home shortly. Just uh...Bye."

He sounded so worried ad stressed out. Mom? What about her? She was coming home from Spain next week. And Dad? He should still be at work? What was wrong?

I jumped when the door-bell rung and dashed to open it.

"Dad what's wrong?" Dad simply dropped his briefcase and muttered to himself as he walked in to the kitchen, me following.

"Take a seat Massie." I sat down opposite him and frowned.

"What's the matter Dad? Just tell me? What happened with Mom?"

"Uh Massie, your Mother will always love you, you know that right? And she'll always be in your heart."

My heart was racing. I knew what was coming next. I didn't want to believe it. I couldn't believe it.

"Massie, I'm afraid your Mother was involved in a car accident in Spain. I'm afraid Kendra...your Mother...has...She's died."

--------------------

Kristen stabbed at a piece of lettuce in her Caesar Salad. She slowly chewed it, hoping the taste would get rid of the sour, guilty feeling in her throat.

She felt horrible about yelling at Massie, even though she kept saying to herself that she had only wanted to get close to Josh.

Dylan, sensing Kristen's discomfort, slid towards her, leaving the guys talking.

Her newly-dyed blond hair tickled the table as she gave Kristen a fake-concerned look.

"Look Kristen, you would probably be feeling bad about Massie, but the thing is, she's a liar. I-I saw her making out with Josh the other day, but didn't tell you then because I didn't want to hurt you. But, I guess you should know."

Dylan half-smiled, patted Kristen's hand and then went back to the guys.

Kristen's fork fell from her finger-tips and she felt an un-familiar wave of hatred wash through her body. How could Massie? How could she deny doing anything? Unless Dylan was lying...Ugh. Kristen didn't know what to think anymore.

--------------------

The next day Massie still wasn't in school.

Or the day after.

Or the day after that.

On the third day, Principal Burns made an announcement in the auditorium.

She cleaed her throat and turned on the microphone.

"Good Morning Students" her crackly voice echoed around the large round room.

"Caw Caw!" People near th back imitated her bird-like voice and looks as usual, which was what they did every time she started talking.

She frowned and started again. "Good Morning Students. Once you hear what I have to say, I'm sure you won't want to make fun. One of your fellow students' Mother has unfortunately died in a car accident."

Everyone started muttering to each other, wondering who it was.

Josh turned to Cam who turned to Plovert who turned to Kemp who turned to Kristen who turned to Dylan. Dylan looked at all their expectant faces. "I don't know! She didn't even say wether it was a boy or girl."

Kemp frowned. "It couldn't, well couldn't be Massie could it?" Cam rolled his eyes. "Kemp buddy, just don't talk for a bit OK?"

Principal Burns resumed speaking: "The girl is staying at home right now, as her Father is saying she is not fit to come in yet. I expect everyone to be very, very considerate. It sorrows all our staff to know that this bright, happy girl had such a heavy weight brought down on her. I'm sure all of her friends will be extra lovely to her.

Massie Block will return to school on Monday. Thank-you, please return to class."

--------------------

"Massie, your Father says you have to come down and eat now." Inez, the Block's maid, called from Massie's door. I didn't answer and simply rolled over on to my other side. I didn't feel like eating.

Inez sighed and went back downstairs; after she got the picture that I wasn't coming.

I was feeling all sorts of emotions. I felt sad, so, so sad. Mom was never going to come back, no matter how much I wanted her to.

I felt regretful that I had never bothered to get close to her. The chance to do that has now slipped away before I could grab it.

I felt angry that Mom could leave me. That feeling was really strong. How could she just leave? I needed her! She didn't even bother to say goodbye properly, even though I knew she didn't purposely leave, I couldn't help but feel like this...

I felt like I was slowly going mad with all these mixed up feelings.

I mean. I couldn't even remember the last time I had actually felt amazingly carefree and happy...except at Alicia's party when I had that drink.

I swung my legs out of bed and went downstairs. Dad was talking on his Blackberry and sipping a mug of coffee. His back was to me so he didn't see me come in.

I quietly took the brass key from the hook on the back of the door and un-locked the liquor cabinet.

I took out a couple of bottles without looking at the labels and darted back upstairs with the bottle opener in my hand.

In my room I shut the door and locked it, then proceeded to opening the larger bottle.

I took a gulp straight from it and winced at the fiery burning in my throat. It bubbled inside me, making me feel rebellious and wanting to do more.

I was just having another gulp when I heard Dad coming up the stairs. I quickly shoved the bottle behind my lamp and jumped in front of it. Dad was holding a plate of roast potatoes and vegetables.

He put it down on my bedside table. "I'm going to a meeting OK Mass? Look Massie, your Mother would have wanted you to be happy. She would have wanted you to carry on with life."

I plaster a smile on to my face. "Yeah Dad, sure."

He smiles and shuts the door behind him.

Psh. Yeah right.

About ten minutes after Dad leaves, the door-bell rings.

I'm holding on to the alcohol bottle as I go down the stairs to answer it. I take a gulp as I open the door and see...

Derrick.

He gasps at me holding the bottle and starts to turn away.

"No wait Derrick!" I shove the bottle on to the window ledge and go down the stairs after him in my fluffy slippers.

I place a hand on Derrick's shoulder before he reaches his Mercedes.

He turns around, his brown eyes wide. "Why Massie? Why are you doing this? Your Mother has just die-"

"Yeah thanks Derrick I think I've covered that fact"

He flushes and mumbles. "Well, you know, it must be hard but drink isn't the answer."

"Is that why you came here? Anyway, what's been going on at school? What's happening with you and Dylan?"

"M-Me and Dylan? Why on Earth would there be anything going on between us two?"

"Well, bitches do tend to like you so..."

Derrick smirks. "So does that mean you're a bitch?"

"Whoever said I liked you? I'm serious Derrick, you were completely blanking me at school, and you've only come round b-because my Mom died." I force myself to say the last bit.

"You've changed Massie. Look at you! You're lounging round the house, isolating yourself from the world with a bottle of whisky or whatever that trash you're having is. Why Massie? Why?"

"Why? Because my life has turned in to shit and my friends have gone against me-"

"That's not true Massie, you brought it along yourself you-"

"No! No Derrick, you don't understand! That is the only thing keeping me together because it makes me feel like I am doing something! You don't know, you wouldn't understand!"

"I can't believe this Massie. Maybe you will be better off like this. Don't expect anything off me in future then. Just..."

And then he does the thing I'd least expect.

He bent down and kissed me. A soft, sad, kiss. We stared at each other until he opened his car door and sped away.

I stood there for a while, my fingertips on my lips, wondering why on Earth, I had ever changed things.

He was right.

I did bring it upon myself.

I thought I hated Derrick.

So why did I return the kiss...?


	15. Believe

**HI GUYS!!! **

**I AM SO SORRY I HAVENT BEEN UPDATING BUT MY LAPTOP CRASHED AND I COULDNT WRITE ANY MORE CHAOTERS AND I JUST GOT IT FIXED TODAY SO I WROTE A NEW CHAPTER STRAIGHT AWAY! HOPEFULLY YOU HUNG ON THERE BUT IF YOU GAVE UP ON ME THEN I AM SO SORRY AGAIN AND IM NOT ONE OF THOSE FF AUTHORS THAT ALWAYS SAT THEY WILL UPDATE BUT NEVER DO!**

**SORRY IF THIS SUCKS I DID IT V. QUICKLY AND IT IS JUST TO LET YOU KNOW THAT IM BACK AND ALSO, I WROTE IT ON MY PROFILE ABOUT NOT UPDATING BUT THERES NOT A PROFILE ALERT SO U PROBS DIDNT KNOW THAT. **

**PLEASE REVIEW!! **

**BTW IT GETS A BIT HAPPIER AFTER THIS! **

**LOTSA LOVE Juicyxxxx**

_Believe_

Duh-livia Ryan sat next to me in Chemistry after lunch.

She smelt of fruity hairspray and peppermint chap-stick, and was holding a yellow Kate Spade tote that matched my navy one exactly. The one I found in the attic.

"Look, you set a trend. I just love your vintage fashion sense. You always used to be fashion Queen. Why did you change that?" She squeals, her navy eyes glittering.

I roll my eyes, ignoring the compliment. "Just go away Olivia; I'm really not in the mood to talk right now. Sit with the rest of the cheerleaders."

She bursts in to peals of laughter, shocking me and causing me to almost set my sleeve on fire from the Bunsen burner. "Silly! They've gone to the State Championships."

"Oh yeah, and why didn't you go?" I murmur, turning the gas tap back on.

"Well," Olivia fluffs up her blond hair and dumps her bag on to the bench, perching on the stool next to me. Obviously she's staying. "I was thinking about what you were saying and you're right. I don't want people thinking I' m an airhead." She finishes with a dazzling smile.

Suddenly Olivia shrieks. "No you're doing it all wrong. Ugh, give me that." Olivia yanks the rubber orange wire and plugs it in to the yellow tap, closing the air hole. "There."

"Thanks" I mumble, but Olivia hears. She winks and opens her US Weekly as Mrs Arthur goes out the room. I chip off my nail polish as I wait for her to say something. I don't know how to act with Olivia. I thought she was just a dumb cheerleader, but it seems there is more to her than that. I mean, I didn't even know she actually listened to what I said.

My train of thoughts is interrupted by a "awww!" from Olivia. She thrusts a glossy, airbrushed picture of Angelina Jolie in to my hands. "Look at her ah-dorable twins!"

_Ah-dorable? _Ok...

"Her mom died a couple of years back you know. Or was it last year? Either way..."

I freeze and drop the magazine like its burning hot. How can she just say that when I'm standing right here? Olivia doesn't even seem to notice, and if she does, she doesn't seem to care. She carries on speaking.

" At first I felt really sorry for her. But you just have to think about the good things in life. Be optimistic. Obviously I wouldn't know, but what's the point of always being upset and down in the dumps? Especially when some people just resolve to alcohol and drugs." She scrunches up her perfect ski-slope nose in disgust and I carefully slide the green glass bottle deeper in to my bag.

Suddenly, the bell rings and we both jump. Olivia smiles at me.

"I know you're upset about your mom Massie. I'm not as dumb as everyone thinks I am, everyone else thinks you've just forgotten about her don't they?" she presses.

I nod slowly. Yeah they do, they do...

"But you're really hurting inside, aren't you? I'm sorry about what happened, but it makes e really upset to see you so, well so gloomy. If you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm always free. Especially since I quit cheerleading. Well, I'll see you around."

She walks out the room, her bag swinging, and I realise something.

I have been hurting about mom.

All that time, it wasn't just me, it was all the pain that had been caused.

Derrick

Dylan

Kristen

Josh

Kemp

Plovert

Cam

...My mom

I grab the bottle from my bag, my warm fingers enclosed around the cool glass. Without thinking, I stride over to the window and hurl the bottle out. I watch with satisfaction as it plops in to the water of the BOCD fountain. Girls sitting on the stone ledge around it squeal, jumping up and making sure no water splashed on to their precious True Religion jeans.

I grin. It feels like a huge boulder of weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

It feels like that bottle, instead of being filled with a poisonous drink, was filled with all my worries.

They weren't coming back any time soon.

Olivia was right. You can stop all the anxiety, all the sadness, all the fear, by just letting yourself...

Believe.

I had to believe.

* * *


	16. Break Free

**Heyyy! **

**I am updating quickly to tell you that I am back from my one month (or something...never was goot at maths!) break of updating is now overrrr **

**this chapter is for Wingzz for reviewing even though she was busy anddd because she loves Olivia as much as I do! **

**And I might as well tell you...there is a happy ending! (and theres more of un-airhead Olivia)**

**BTW i sense only a few chapters left! **

**Enjoy...! Juicyxxx**

_

* * *

_

Break Free

Derrick lay back on the leather upholstery of Harris Fisher's BMW and sighed in frustration.

He didn't really know what to think about Massie. He didn't like her for cheating on him, but after the kiss, she was still...just Massie.

His Massie.

"What's the matter dude?" Josh turned around from the seat next to Cam's older brother, looking up from under his NYY cap.

"Nuthin'" Derrick mumbled, looking out of the window.

Cam frowned. "You're not still thinking about that bitch are you?"

Plovert frowned. "Jeez Cam have some respect for her, even I didn't think you would stoop down that low."

"Yeah well she was being one to Dylan" Cam fired back.

Kemp and Plovert rolled their eyes and turned back to Derrick.

"Come on D, what is it?" Kemp pressed.

"Guys, it's nothing, I just think I caught something from the dinner my sister cooked yesterday. Tell Coach I won't be at practice. Thanks Harris." Derrick jumped out of the car as Harris pulled over outside the BOCD gate.

-------------------

I watch Derrick sling his back-pack over his shoulder and make his way up the stone steps. He looks really worried, he's frowning.

I make sure none of my ex-friends are about and quickly walk up as well. I recognise a familiar phlegm-filled laugh and quickly hide behind a tall basketball dude, as Kristen and Dylan walk up the steps. My jaw drops as I spot Dylan's new 'do. She tosses back her long honey-blond extensions as girls stop her in the doorway to ask for her autograph. Overnight she has become famous from her mom, Merri-Lee Marvil getting a talk-show. I slip in unnoticed and make my way to my locker, hoping to sort my books out before Dylan, who unfortunately is still opposite me, could go to hers.

I pass the drama studio on my way to Social Studies and see Mrs Crawford instructing one of her little apprentices to do something or other, in a production of Macbeth.

I remember when I went to Drama Camp.

I can't imagine myself ever doing something so carefree, so open.

I feel so closed up now.

I just want to break free.

But I can't.

I just...can't.

* * *


	17. Why?

_Why?_

"Oh my God..." I groan as Miss Pearson sets us yet another project on some tribe or other for RS.

I run a hand absent-mindedly over the fur of Olivia's-who is sitting next to me yet again-pencil-case as Miss Pearson says we have to do it on pairs. Everyone jumps to their feet so that they can run over to whoever they want to do it with. I stay in my seat and twiddle with one of my braids.

There is a blur of navy and yellow and Kristen is beside Olivia, ignoring me completely.

"Which part should we do Liv?" She is wearing the BOCD cheerleader uniform, but as Captain she gets the so called luxury of a glitter filled number 1 on the back of her skimpy tank. Obviously she's expecting Olivia to bound to the front with her where everyone else is, choosing the topic they want to do.

So Kristen looks as shocked as I've ever seen her when Olivia turns to me and then back to Kristen and then says, "K, I promised Massie I'd be with her. You know, because she got a D and I go a B in RS."

Kristen stops twirling her tight blond braid around her finger. Her jaw drops so far I can see the Dentyne White Ice that lies in a clump at the back of her tongue. Gross.

"You-You what? Massie? But-Urgh!" Kristen ends her flurry of broken words with a half-scream and turns on the heel of her silver Pumas. Olivia shoots her a sympathetic look, and then turns to me grinning, her wispy blond waves framing her perfect-if slightly flushed-face. "C'mon then, I wanted to do food. Hopefully Layne Abeley hasn't taken it. Come on..." She pulls me up by my hand and drags me over to the front table, disappearing in to the swarm of designer clothes clad girls.

My mind is reeling. Why would Olivia choose me over Kristen?

Why did she pretend she had promised me to be partners?

What was so bad with hanging out with Kristen?

...What was so good with hanging out with me?


	18. Hole in my Heart

**Heyy! I'm so sorry that I haven't update in ages, but I have just been so busy. This is such a crappy chapter but I felt that you guys need something to remind you that I still exist! This one is another chapter in the past, but then the chapter after this is going to be in the present. Please please please review and tell me if you want pairings to change or stay the same. I've also decided that there is going to be a HAPPY ending, and I've already drafted it. **

**Please review, I'll heart you if you do! (Even if you have constructive crit.!)**

**Lotsa love, Juicyxxx **

**BTW This chapter is for applejuicegirl, so this is for you Holly!**

* * *

_Hole in my Heart_

I had always thought Olivia was an idiot. I mean, everyone did. After all, she did make the impression that she was a complete and total airhead. She never bothered to answer questions in class, never did any assignments that were given, and never got a score worth being commended for in an exam.

I was surprised Kristen made friends with her. After all, Kristen was the smartest person I knew and I'm not saying she shouldn't because she should look below the surface and all that shit, but Olivia was just plain dumb. I mean, she thought that Winston Churchill was the Prime Minister of England. Come on.

The first time I saw them chatting together was at lunch. The cheerleaders sat at Table 3, which was where Kristen sat when she came in to the cafeteria. She and Olivia got talking and from then on they were basically inseparable. I never understood why Kristen was even friends with her but there you go. I guess opposites attract. Little did I know they weren't that different. Olivia was smart in her own way, and I was surprised Kristen could see that. After all, I had barely noticed and I've been in her classes from the start of High School.

The first few weeks I was on my own, I saw Olivia loads. In the Library, the Gym and the Cafeteria as well as most of my classes. I mean, it was as if she had been sent to me or something. But why her? That annoyingly nice blond who knew nothing about me. Why her?

--------------------

"Massie, Massie, here, catch the ball!" Olivia shrieked to me from the other side of the Gym. We were doing Hockey, one of the worst sports introduced to mankind. I half-heartedly push the ball over to her with my stick, watching the players on my team swarm over to the ball like moths to flames.

"Shoot, shoot, shoot...and...SCORE!" My team shout. They all cheer, jumping up and down as the opposing team shake their heads and grudgingly shake hands. I walk over to the side and pull of my borrowed shin-guards, tossing them on the side and grabbing my water bottle.

"Hey!" I take the bottle from my lips and lower it to the ground, looking up. Olivia Ryan stands there, pink-cheeked and with rumpled hair, she is still pretty.

"Hey" I reply, picking up my stuff and beginning to walk away. She grabs hold of my arm. "You played well today Massie. I thought you used to love Hockey though, now you just seem...well, not bothered."

"I don't really think that's any of your concern-"I'm cut off by none other than Kristen Gregory coming over to us, well to Olivia.

"Liv, we need to go get changed for Swim Squad. The Gala is coming up. Let's go." Kristen shakes her long, butterscotch coloured waves away from her face and smirks. "What are you talking to her for? I wouldn't think she's your friend type. I mean, if you like selfish, boyfriend-stealers then sure, go ahead and spend lunch with her."

"For God's sake Gregory just shut up! All that ever comes out of your mouth is just...crap! Just lies and crap!" That is probably the lamest insult but I walk away with my head held high anyway.

Screw her, screw Olivia, screw everyone.

I don't need them; I'm fine on my own.

They just cause trouble, they're just troublemakers.

I repeat these words over and over as I walk to the locker rooms, trying to ignore the feeling that there is a big hole in my heart.

I can't stop the hole, the feeling of love that is leaking from it.

I have to ignore it, because there is no going back.


	19. Give Me a Chance

**Heyy! I love this chapter because if anyone remembers in Bratfest at Tiffany's, it was mentioned that Olivia Ryan had an older brother, Andy. I've included him in the story and I havent read any fics on him so pls tell me if you find any! **

**This chapter is for Juicerz and also Hannah cos i love her name! (aahimscreamingfornoreason) --- i think it was that!**

**Please review and I really hope you like this chapter cos it was quite long, 4 word pages. go me!  
**

**lotsa love,**

**Juicyxxxx (review?) **

* * *

_Give Me a Chance_

"Massie! I've been looking absolutely everywhere for you! Kori said you would be by or in the cafeteria, then Strawberry said you would be by the swimming pool, then Serena said you would be by the-"

"Just get to your point Olivia." I sigh. She's ok but sometimes I really need a break from her.

"Well, I was just wondering if you were free sometime to, you know, do the RS thing. You could come over to my house if you wanted..." She gives me a small, almost questioning, smile.

I'm pleasantly surprised. That is the first invitation I've had from anyone in a long time. "Yeah, yeah I think I would like that Olivia. I'm free on weekends or after school, anytime really."

"Ok, well seeing as today is Friday, do you want to come round tomorrow?"

"Yeah, that would be great." I smile back at a grinning Olivia.

"So tomorrow then. Oh and my house is 3 Lakeview Drive. It's third from the corner." Olivia starts to walk away.

"Um, Olivia?" I call.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks...for everything."

Olivia gives me a knowing smile, "its ok. Anytime Massie, anytime."

--------------------

"Dad," I yell down the stairs from the banister. It's Saturday and I'm getting ready to go to Olivia's.

"Yes sweetie?" My Dad appears from the kitchen, holding a half-eaten bagel in one hand and a newspaper in the other.

"I'm going round to my friend Olivia's house, so I'll be back by six-ish."

"Olivia? Well that's great Massie. Just call me when you're on your way home. I'm glad you're finally starting to be like your...well your old self."

"You know what Dad? I'm starting to feel like my old self as well."

I wander back in to my room where my straighteners are warming up. I'm feeling good and I might as well look good, considering Olivia's hot older brother Andy might be there...Yeah, I was definitely feeling like my old self again.

I slip on my skinny Hudson jeans which I had got last year, but still fit me due to me hardly eating anything for like eight months. They did up easily and went perfectly with my...Shit! Where were those darn flats...I rummage through my wardrobe, trying to find my navy blue Jimmy Choo flats. Oh no...Mom and I were both the same size so I had lent them to her before she went to Spain but she never wore them. If I remember correctly, they would still be in her shoe cupboard.

I take a deep breath and stride out of my room and down the corridor to Mom and Dad-Just Dad's- room. When I open the door, tears suddenly well up in my eyes. It still smells of her Gucci Envy Me, mingling with Dad's Hugo Boss aftershave.

I pad over the freshly vacuumed carpet in my bare feet, over to Mom's wardrobe. When I open it, the smell of her is even stronger. Her evening dresses are still perfectly hung up, her denim-wear folded over her hangers, the cashmere sweater sets folded and color-coded. Some of her things still have the dry-cleaning plastic still on them. I open the other closet door and marvel at her huge shoe collection. I've seen it tons of times but each time I am more stunned, especially now, when I haven't seen it in ages.

There were racks and racks of shoes. Jimmy Choo pumps, Prada sneakers, D&G boots, Dior flats, and everything in all different colours.

Suddenly the door opens and I jump, dropping the Manolo in my hand as if it was red-hot.

"Massie? What on Earth are you doing in here?"

"I was just...well I was just looking for a pair of shoes that Mom had borrowed from me, but I'll go, I was just-"

"Its fine Mass! I'm glad you're coming to terms with what has happened and you're feeling well enough to come in here, and see...well all these reminders of your Mother."

Dad grips my shoulders and something hits me, hard and sharp. Dad has had to live with this every day, seeing all these things and being reminded of what has happened. He knew Mom for ages, and must have had so much grief, and he can't just isolate himself from the world like I did, he had to carry on with work, with earning money for both of us, he has had to pretend everything was normal, when it never was.

I hug Dad hard, my breath coming out short as I struggle not to cry. "I love you Dad."

"I love you Mass, don't ever forget that, and remember that whatever happens, we'll always be there for each other, through thick and thin."

I smile at my Dad's cheesy-but true-comment.

"You better go sweetie, I'll see you later."

"'Kay. Bye Dad." I kiss his stubbly cheek and go back in to my room. I think I'll wear my other shoes today.

--------------------

Urgh, why did I choose to walk in heels? Although my violet Kate Spade pumps are one of a kind and barely used, even walking short distances takes ages in them.

Lakeview Drives is quiet, only a few houses in it. The driveways are massive and filled with expensive looking Porsches, Ferraris and Lamborghinis. Olivia's house is huge and Tudor-style. Her gravel driveway has a skate-ramp on it and Britney's 'Womanizer' is blasting out of one of the second floor windows.

I crunch up the driveway and knock the Lion-head knocker against the door. Footsteps are heard thumping down the stairs and the door is unlatched and swings open.

"Hi! Massie, right?" A boy stands in front of me, his floppy, white-blond hair gleams against his tanned skin and he flashes me a dazzling smile, so bright I practically go weak at the knees. His frayed jeans are surfer-dude-meets-city-kid in the cutest way.

"You-You must be Andy. Yeah, um, I'm Olivia-I mean, I'm Massie, I'm here to see Olivia, I mean, yeah..." God, how stupid can I be! At least I wore my flattering clothes today.

Luckily he chuckles. "Yeah wait a second...OLIVIA!" He yells from the bottom of the stairs.

"Massie!" Olivia squeals as she runs down the stairs, roughly tying her hair up in a floppy bun. Her white linen dress puffs up and then deflates as she jumps down the remaining two steps.

"Ah, Olivia decides to grace us with her presence. Hello your majesty." Andy mock bows and Olivia punches his arm.

"I guess you've met my goofball of a brother, who's too rude to even let you in! Come in, we'll go to my room." Olivia holds the door open for me as I enter.

"So, we're not actually going to do the RS are we?" I ask tentatively, stepping on to the straw 'Welcome' mat.

Olivia laughs, "no way! I just thought it would be fun if we hung together. I mean, it doesn't seem like you have anything to do on weekends now that you don't hang out with Dylan and them anymore so I just thought it would be fun."

"Wow, I knew you were stupid Olivia, but not that tactless!" Andy walks out of the kitchen and leans on the door frame, peeling an orange. I didn't realise he had been listening!

"Come on Olivia, let's go upstairs..." I can feel my cheeks burning as I practically drag Olivia up the stairs.

"What? It's just Andy, unless..."

"Unless what?" I laugh, walking in to her room behind her. Her bedroom is all white with the freshest lemon-yellow accents. It feels peaceful and calming.

"Well, he hasn't got a girlfriend in case you were wondering." Olivia says innocently, sitting on the bed and swinging her bare tanned legs.

My heart leaps as I feel myself falling in to crush mode. I haven't felt like this since Derrick and I were together. "He hasn't?" I grin. "I mean, why not?"

Olivia leaps on to the bed and points an accusing finger at me, but she's grinning. "I knew it! You're crushing on my brother!"

"I am not!" I make a useless attempt to cover things up.

"You looove him, you looove him!" She yells, bouncing up and down.

"Olivia, please, quieter maybe!" I shut the door and giggle-cover her mouth.

"Fine I'll leave it...but only if you admit it!" she giggles.

"No way!"

"Fine then..." Before I can do anything, Olivia hops off the bed and runs down the corridor.

"Olivia, wait!" I follow her as she leaps down the stairs, her hair escapes from the hairband and flows behind her in a cascade of pale-gold. My heart races as she stops outside the living-room door. She's not going to tell him is she?

I fling myself down the remaining steps as Olivia calls to him, "Andy, Massie wants to tell you something, she really, really likes-"

"Olivia!" I shriek, running in to the room.

"What's the matter Massie?" Andy asks, puzzled.

"Um," I giggle for no reason, "just that I really, really like that Abercrombie T-Shirt you're wearing. I hear they're...really hard to get. Um, yeah."

"Thanks I guess!" Andy laughs, as I bundle Olivia out of the room.

As soon as we are back in Olivia's room with the door shut, we both burst in to peals of laughter. It is the most fun I've had in ages, and I'm glad I met Olivia Ryan.

I'm glad she gave me a chance.


	20. It Hurt

_It Hurt_

When I broke up with Derrick, I knew Cam would be on his side because he was angry with me about Dylan anyway, but I never got round to talking about Josh's reaction.

When I first fell out with Dylan and Derrick, Cam went on their side so then it was just Kristen and Josh. Then Kristen accused me of 'being passionate' about Josh, (her words, not mine.)

Obviously that wasn't true. I mean, Josh was like my big brother. Before Josh and I lived in Westchester we both lived in New Jersey and were even in the same neighbourhood so we kind of grew up together. He was the older brother I never had. Even when Cam came along, his and my relationship wasn't the same as Josh's and mine.

Just the thought of Josh and I being more than friends was...just ew. I always took things from his closet. Ralph Lauren polos, A&F sweaters, even his signature NYY hat. I was the only one he let wear it, except Kristen of course. I mean, half my closet consists of stuff I've taken from the guys' wardrobes.

Kristen was always a bit of a jealous person. She had a really short temper and practically killed Allie-Rose Singer when she gave Josh a coy wink one day during lacrosse. Let's just say Allie-Rose has had a slight..._fear_, shall we say, of lacrosse balls since.

I never found out what the poisoned words Dylan or Kristen fed him which turned him against me. I guess Josh could never hate me, he did give me half-smiles now and again but they never fully reached his eyes.

I had let him down. We both knew it.

And that hurt more than anything.


	21. Midnight

**Heyy! I am so terribly sorry for not updating but I have been SO busy it is unbelievable! My birthday was on Saturday and that was partly the reason for the business. THANKYOU FOR THE REVIEWS YOU ARE SUCH GREAT PEOPLE I LOVE YOU GUYS!!**

**Oh and please do my poll! This is coming to the end soon and I don't know what to do next. I've already mentally drafted the last chapter! Also, please tell me whether you still want it to go past, present, past, present etc because it is getting harder to do past ones. I could just carry on with the present ones...it's up to you ;)**

**Oh and you won't find out what K/D told Josh that made him dislike Massie. It was just a bunch of lies and stuff basics...**

**This is dedicated to Holly for making me laughhh about Kaitlyn. When I laugh it makes it easier to update ******** it's also dedicated to for giving such a nice review! **

**Enjoy! This is ONE LINE SHORT OF SEVEN WORD PAGES!! I ROCK!! GO ME!! I should so become a cheerleader...lol ******

* * *

_Midnight_

"Massie, over here!" Olivia yells so loudly I wouldn't be surprised if my second cousin three times removed-or was it third cousins twice removed?- in Greece heard. I grip my apple and diet soda more tightly and keep my head down, my high ponytail tickling my shoulders as I meander round the cafeteria tables to where Olivia is sitting on table 10.

Everyone stops what they're doing and it is so silent I swear you could hear the sound Carrie Randolph's mascara wand is making brushing against her eyelashes.

Then the sound strikes up again as suddenly as it stopped and I hear snippets of, "Duh-livia Ryan?" and, "I heard they are, like, BFFs now," and, "yeah apparently Kristen is really pissed," and, "good for Massie."

I sit down on a chair and lift my canvas Hollister tote so that it covers my flaming cheeks. Olivia's laughter is like tinkling bells. She makes it seem like she never gets embarrassed. She probably doesn't.

"Ok, so what's up?" I say, cracking open my Diet Coke when I'm sure no-one is looking.

"Well, you know how the really cool BOCD Winter masked ball is coming up..."

My jaw drops as I register he words, knowing exactly what is going to come next. "No, no and no again Liv, I will not go to the ball!"

"Oh c'mon Mass! It'll be fun!"

"No way Olivia! Everyone will laugh at me. A-After Mom died I didn't think I would ever be able to have fun again. You've changed that but in a way it's like I'm letting her down by going to the ball. If I did go. Which I totally won't."

"Aw, it's ok. She wants you to have fun Massie! Why don't you just accept that? She _wants _you to. Please?" Olivia widens her already large navy eyes and clasps her hands together as if she is praying.

Well...It wouldn't hurt just to stay for an hour or something...would it? "Urgh, Liv, fine, but we don't even have dates!"

Olivia squeals so loudly I think I've burst an eardrum, and dashes round the edge of the table so she can give me a huge hug, enveloping me in a cloud of Vera Wang Princess in the process.

"Who needs dates? Like I say...You've gotta be single to mingle!"

--------------------

"Olivia, this stuff is horrible!" I hiss out of the side of my mouth, careful not to let the prune-faced sales assistant hear.

"There's always something..." Olivia mutters, raking through the racks of wispy lemon frocks and frilly pink dresses.

We're searching for a dress for the-urgh-Winter Masked Ball, and so far haven't found anything that is even remotely nice. I wonder if I'll be able to wear my usual skinny jeans and Hollister...probably not.

"Well this has been a disappointment."

"Can we just try somewhere like Betsey Johnson or something? Chanel and Dior really aren't the right stores somehow for High School Winter Formals.

"Yeah you're right." Olivia sighs in defeat and slips her Ray Bans back on her ski-slope nose.

"Let's go then. We have, what, four more hours to find the perfect dress?"

"Better get started then!" Olivia laughs, dragging me out of the store in a heap of laughter. I don't know what she finds so funny to be honest but I don't care. I feel safe and...happy.

--------------------

It's the day of the dance.

"Mass hurry up, you've been in there for ages!" Olivia raps on the bathroom door.

"I'm warning you, you're going to laugh; I'm in a ball-gown for crying out loud, I never should have let you bully me in to this!"

"Mass, get your skinny ass out of there now. Too early is just over-keen, but too late is just, "I actually can't be bothered. We need to get there say...twenty to ten."

"Who say I actually am bothered?" I grumble, but unlock the bathroom door all the same.

"Massie...wow!" Olivia breathes.

I grin and do a silly twirl. "You actually like it?"

I'm wearing an aqua blue dress that falls down to the ground in a waterfall of delicate gauze. The material is studded with hundreds of tiny diamantes and my hair lies softly on my shoulders, straightened to perfection. Sure, the dress is stunning-I have to think that, the price had three zeros on the end for crying out loud-, but I didn't know if it would look good on _me_.

"Massie, you look amazingly hot. I should never have even bothered to get ready at all! I'll look like a-a frog compared to you!"

I laugh; Olivia always comes out with the most ridiculous things. "Liv you look incredible. Is that the Alice and Olivia dress?"

"Yeah, it was. The price was four digits but we know the owners so they gave it for a little cheaper."

She twirls and her white-blond Taylor Swift-like curls whirl out, along with her wine-colored dress. It glitters as the strips of amethysts on the satin catch the light, and the rich color of the dress contrasts well with her gleaming tan.

"Oh, I nearly forgot, here..." Olivia takes two flat white boxes out of her oversized Juicy Couture tote and hands one to me. I tug off the velvet ribbon on mine and lift off the lid, letting out a small gasp. Nestled in the white tissue paper is the most overwhelmingly dazzling mask. It is intended to cover your eyes and there are cat-like slits. It is a glimmering silver, studded with diamonds that intertwine with the calligraphic swirls. Olivia has a similar one but instead of being cat-shaped it's shaped like a butterfly.

"Well it is a masked ball after all!" she laughs and grabs her raw silk wrap from the bed.

"Thankyou so much Olivia...for the mask, for everything. It really means a lot to me."

Olivia gives a tiny eye roll but smiles all the same. She hugs me. "What are friends for Mass? Aww jeez don't cry! That mascara wasn't waterproof! I told you the Too Faced one was better! Now come on...!"

Huh. Trust Olivia to think about makeup straight away...

--------------------

BOCD looks incredible. The parking lot is lit up with hundreds of fairy lights and the main school is gleaming with lights.

Music is pounding out of the gym and Olivia and I shiver as we run on tiptoe-careful not to get our Choos wet-across the damp grass.

We enter the gym from the back and are told to go up the back stairs so we can go down the central staircase of the Gym to the 'dance-floor'.

We giggle-walk up the stairs and stop at the top by the door that leads to the stair case that leads to the gym...where everybody will be watching, I realise too late.

"Liv, everyone will be staring!" I hiss in the semi-darkness.

"Relax, I bet they won't even recognise you!"

"Oh crap, it's probably too late to pull out now."

"Yeah, that's just crap." Olivia rolls her eyes sarcastically. "Ok, let's do a quick hair check...yeah just put on a little more lip-gloss Massie."

"Don't forget, we're in this together."

"We're all in this together..." I start giggle-singing, despite the circumstances.

"Very funny Massie. Now c'mon let's go..." she takes a deep breath and twists the doorknob, pushing it outwards. It seems like time has stopped. The huge ocean of faces stare up at us as we click-clack to the top of the stairs, pausing to look down. The music seems to have switched to a lower beat and I try and breathe steadily. _It's ok, they just think that you look great, they probably can't even recognize you_.

Despite my total, _oh Christ, why are they all looking? I swear the music has stopped! God, we should have just come in through the normal way_-ness, I still managed to see how nice the Gym looked. The usual white walls looked softly blue in the tinted lights. Snowflakes hung from the ceiling, gently swaying, and the ceiling itself was illuminated by thousands of twinkling-fake obviously-stars.

On my-slightly shaky-way down the stairs, I recognize a few faces. Ok, fine, I recognize all the people who used to be my friends. Kristen is wearing a gold chiffon dress that is shot through with shimmering navy threads. She is gaping at me, as if she has seen me before but can't quite remember. Or maybe she's just jealous of the dress.

Dylan hasn't bothered to wear a mask; she has folded her arms across her green-blue satin dress, her hair curled in to a perfect updo. But she isn't the centre of attention tonight, and I get a weird feeling that they actually can't recognize me-they don't know who I am.

Olivia and I reach the last step, and just as I suspected it would, gossip broke out across the crowd like a Mexican wave.

"Who's the new girl?"

"Her dress is hot."

"I don't think I've seen her before..."

"She's with Olivia Ryan."

"Yeah but the only person hanging around with Liv nowadays is Massie Block."

"And Massie obviously wouldn't come..."

_Dun-dun da. Dun-dun da. Dun-dun-dun-dun-du- da-da_

Olivia's cell phone starts blaring out the beginning of 4 Minutes and she flips it open.

"Oh my God, Danny!" she squeals. She holds up a finger and covers the mouthpiece.

"You go ahead Mass, I'lle catch up in a minute, 'k?"

"Yeah sure that's fine," though obviously it isn't because I wouldn't be scared stiff at everyone talking and gossiping about me. What if they actually find out? They'll treat me...I don't actually know how they'll treat me but I'm still scared.

But surely there are good things to being unknown. I ponder over this as I tread over the fake snow to the drinks table that is lit up with hundreds of tiny lights. In fact, this whole place has been lit up; hundreds of thousands of tiny, sparkling lights twinkle everywhere.

I pour a glass of punch, not actually planning on having it. I nervously smooth down an invisible crease in my dress. Then as I lift the punch glass to my lips for a fake sip...

"Hey," a distantly familiar voice greets me. I jump, giving a little yelp as the punch sloshes violently. I set it down on the table with a shaking hand and slowly turn around, praying that it's not who I think it is...

"Um, Derrick," I blush furiously, letting my hair fall around my face. Hopefully, if luck and the skill of Olivia's hand at makeup were on my side, he won't recognize me.

His brow furrows, "how do you know my name? I mean, you're new right?"

"Um...right. I just heard that you're the incredibly hot goalie of the BOCD Soccer team." What am I saying?! I scream inside my head. I shut the voice up and just decide to 'go with the flow', as Olivia usually puts it.

Derrick chuckles and glances at the dancing couples.

"Hey um...what's your name again?"

"Ma-Marie, "I stutter.

"Well Marie, do you want to dance?"

I close my jaw quickly as it opens with shock. Trembling, I place my hand in his and let him lead me to the dance-floor. I place my arms around his neck as he holds my waist.

"So when did you join? I don't think I've seen you around here?"

"Well..." I won't be able to keep this up, I mean, _Massie _will be at school, not _Marie_.

"The thing is, well, I don't go to this school. I mean, I was going to but I'm...I'm not."

"Right..."

We carry on dancing in silence, the lights of the disco-ball reflecting off everything.

"But I was able to come to this dance because, my-my cousin comes here."

"What's her na-"

"Dude, who's the chick?" Cam Fisher loudly appears, Paris Hilton wannabes clinging to his arms like fluff on a suede jacket. Dylan is clawing them away angrily.

"Um, this is Marie. Marie, Cam." Derrick introduces us.

"Um, hey." Cam tries to swat another girl away and flashes me a smile.

Suddenly, Dylan whirls around to face me, and recognition slowly appears. She gasps and smacks a hand across her heavily glossed mouth.

_Dammit! _I am furious with myself for even accepting the offer to the dance with Derrick, but I am also terrified on what sly method Dylan is going to use to show me up. If she was. I mean, she seems like she is looking behind me...

"Strawberry! I can't believe you came!" Dylan yells hysterically to the pink-haired 'rebel' from my Geography class. Huh. She was shocked at Strawberry. Not me then. I let out the gust of air I had been holding in and turn to Derrick, grinning as one of my favourite songs comes on.

"Wann dance?" I ask, holding my hand out to him.

"Uh...sure." He seems a little bewildered but takes my offer up anyway.

We move to the beat of the music, as if we were _made _for it and I just can't take my eyes off those gorgeous, milk-chocolate brown ones of his...

"I feel like I know you....I just can't place my finger on it." His voice is barely a whisper.

"Every step, every blink, every laugh...it's like you were someone I used to know." He gives a short laugh. "But that girl would never come to something like this."

I frown, "why not?"

"Well, her Mom died and she went a little crazy if you know what I mean. Everyone said she was on drugs and she was a bit of a drunk so I guess that was what you would expect."

My arms stiffen around him and my body loses the warmth it had before. "Why did you believe in what everyone else said then? Why didn't you just think of it for yourself?"

"God, you're just like her in the sense that you _never let me explain_! That's what everyone else thought. No, I didn't think that. She was...she was my girlfriend and I loved Massie Block. I just wish she could have loved herself a bit more. I wish she didn't damage herself, didn't rely on _poison _to sort her out. I think she's changing now though..."

The warmth floods back in to my body and I give a half-smile in the semi-darkness.

"So you're saying that if she actually had changed then you would...I dunno, _like _her again?"

"Well I guess. I mean, I just want her to be the same girl she used to be."

_It's me Derrick! _I want to scream but no sound comes out of my mouth. Suddenly the lights on the little stage at the front of the Gym light up.

"Good Evening everyone! We are going to announce the winner for the Winter Cupid award!" Alicia Rivera, being the BOCD student spokesperson is standing on the stage, holding a mike and winking at the boys wolf-whistling her. That must be a bit hard since the whole male population is. Except Derrick. That makes me feel a little smug and I subtly tighten my grip around him.

"Now this award is also based on how much you dressed up, and I'm sorry but if you didn't wear a mask, then you wouldn't have been counted for it. That's for the girls. I mean, the guys didn't have to."

Alicia's golden mask is lying on a chair. I mean, it must have been difficult to make out with that on. The silver flecks in it go with the silver snowflake patterns on her tight, revealing white dress that pops against her tan. She could at least leave a _little _for the imagination.

"The Cupid award goes to...Derrick Harrington and the girl in the aqua dress! I'm sorry I can't recognize you, but come on up here!"

Everyone cheers and my mouth goes dry.

Suddenly, Cam shouts up to her, "hey that's Ma-"

"Massie Block."

My blood freezes and Derrick's hand turns to stone on my arm.

Dylan's voice is clear and cold, chilling me and sending shivers up my spine.

"That _girl _is not the Marie she has told you she is, she is Massie. Block. As in, the _drunk _Massie Block, as in the _half-orphan _Massie Block, as in the _psychotic _Massie Block. I'm sure you all know her. And here she is tonight everyone! Trying to cheat on _my _boyfriend, Derrick Harrington!"

Everyone bursts in to laughter as they take in her words and start pointing at me and shouting. Tears silently stream down my face and I feel positively sick as I look at all their faces. Derrick drops my arm like it's the hot end of a poker.

"Lies. You're just a sick liar." He spits out.

Now I'm properly crying, spluttering out words, "Derrick, please, let me explain!" I sob, but he walks away, disgusted.

"Massie, Massie!" Olivia calls to me from somewhere in the crowd, but I can't see her or barely hear her over the roaring of the crowd.

I tear off the stupid mask and shove through the stupid crowd, towards the back door of the Gym.

I claw at my face, rubbing off the stupid eyeliner and mascara and lipgloss. I'm an idiot. I should never have come.

I run down the dark streets, my face a mess, my cheeks streaked with tears that keep streaming.

The night is black.

The wind howls around me as I stumble and run, not knowing where I'm going.

And somewhere, a clock strikes midgnight...

* * *

**I know I know, I just HAD to include a masked ball, and a bit of 'A Cinderella Story'. **

**Ok a lot. But that is my fave scene! **

**This chapter sucked. Please tell me it didn't? Lol you can write whatever you want in your reviews.**

**Please review? Juicyxxxi**


	22. Choice

**Heyy guys!! I am FINALLY updating now that my exams are over and I am just getting my results. 95 in Chem and 71 in Physics. Phys is **_**ok **_**I guess...it was over the mean/average anyways. **

**This is for hollisterhotti for being really nice and using those cute smileys I love, and I am a sucker for anything Hollister related of course anddd I realised that on the previous chapter I didn't do who it was dedicated to, I did, "this is dedicated to for being..." etc and that was **_**actually **_**for herquill for being awesome so yeahs...**

**Enjoy!! Lotsa love, Juicyxxxx **

* * *

_Choice_

Why on Earth do I always fall for the wrong boys?

In the first grade I fell in love with a boy called Paul Dairy, who used to share his Snickers bars with me at recess. Then he had ten minutes taken off his Golden Time on Friday for not listening to the teacher. Yes, ten minutes off Golden Time meant you had done something terrible, in the first grade.

In the third grade there was a boy going by the name Freddy "Flash" Biro, who was obsessed with comic books. He used to lend me crayons whenever mine broke or something and I thought he was the sweetest kid ever. He then moved to Kentucky, as his older brother earned an expulsion for...well they didn't tell us but it must have been something bad.

Tony Fernando was the _cutest _boy in the fifth grade. All the girls were in love with him, and I practically fainted when he invited me to go to the first co-ed dance our school was holding. It ended tragically though, when I spotted him holding hands with Coral McAdams at the end of it. I mean, Coral McAdams? That girl used to give her Bratz dolls tattoos with black Sharpie pen.

Sixth grade brought new and exciting boys to our year, but I was struggling too hard to not fail Biology to notice any of them.

In the seventh grade, the cliques started to form. The nerds with their high waisted trousers, the computer geeks with actual walkie-talkies pinned to their shirts, the oh-so-depressed emos in Converse and skinny jeans, the cheerleaders in their tiny ruffles skirts, the jocks with their shaggy hair and quickly developing muscles, the musician slash artists with their soulful eyes and rock band T-Shirts, and of course the infamous Pretty Committee consisting of Alicia Rivera, the Spanish beauty, Layne Abeley, the pretty-in-a-kooky-way protestor, Claire Lyons, the frosty beta, and Kori Gedman, the soccer defence, who, well, sucked. At defence that is.

I considered myself lucky. I didn't belong to _a _clique; I kind of belonged to them all. I was sporty, girly, skinny-jeans obsessed, musical, artsy and ok, I could be geeky. I was popular because I knew the tricks of fitting in and soon I was even allowed to sit with the Pretty Committee at lunchtimes which was considered a huge privilege.

I was friends with Dylan Marvil, since like, forever. It was always me and her, her and me. Then Kristen Gregory turned up at our French class one day in the middle of the semester in a blur of Prada flip-flops and hair the color of warm butterscotch. She claimed that she had been traveling in Milan and Rome and had literally just come off the flight. To put it in short, she sat at our table and we became great friends, never looking back.

Then in the eighth grade, I started going out with Griffin Hastings. He was kind of cute, but I think I just went out with him because Dylan and Kristen had boyfriends and were spending less time with me. Well, Griffin got suspended for using graffiti on the gym walls. It wasn't even offensive, just the lyrics to some songs about war and famine and poverty and why math should be abolished. Kristen and Dylan convinced me in to believing that he had, "issues" as they put it and I stopped going out with boys who wore skinnier jeans than me after that.

Then, I started noticing...him. It was the ninth grade and the Tomahawks had got to the state finals or something, I never really paid attention to that kind of thing. Anyway, Kristen was out to impress Josh and Dylan was out to impress Cam, so since everyone was going wild and dressing outrageously anyway, so we decided to as well.

We three transformed the Sirens' soccer uniforms in to totally adorable outfits. We ripped the baggy shorts in to pleated micro-minis, tied up the shirts at the front to reveal clip-on navel rings, replaced the soccer studs with Kurt Geiger platform heels and made huge, glitter-embossed banners. Ok, we all looked _a bit _slutty but it was a soccer game. And you know how wild they can get.

So we re-tied our extensions and re-sprayed our tans and got to the game. Josh noticed Kristen asked her out, Cam noticed Dylan and asked _her _out, and so at the end when everyone was making out because the Tomahawks had obviously won, I was left on the sidelines with a smudged banner, a broken heel and freezing legs.

Well, Derrick had come up to me and we got chatting and stuff, and to tell the truth, I have never really noticed him before. I never really thought that I had a chance of going out with one of the soccer jocks; they have always been labeled as the stereo-typical, dumb jerk. Well, who is really, _really _hot.

So one thing led to another; we exchanged numbers and email addresses and soon we were pretty much an item. He wasn't dangerous, but he was like a girl magnet, a drug I just couldn't resist. Having to tear myself away from him was agony. Because he was just _Derrick_. The cute, floppy haired boy I loved. But when I started to slowly drift away from my friends, in to something that I let myself fall into, I didn't want to drag them down as well.

I never thought I even had a choice. When mom died, I never thought anything would be the same and I just didn't think that I could get on. It was as if that had happened and I didn't even stop and think. Like when you're swimming, you can be really tired and just float, eventually sinking down. Or you can swim out there and reach the end, reach the safety and the warm towel and leave the swimming behind you, leave the past behind you.

I needed to swim out there and get that towel...but I couldn't leave the past behind me.

I can't change the _past_.

But I can change the future. Because I had a choice.


	23. I'm Back

**Heyyy! There is only ONE chapter left after this! I have had the bestest time writing this, and I love all of you who have read and reviewed. Thankyou so much. This chapter is for everyone who reads this. Without you I couldn't have continued, and your lovely compliments made the work that goes in to this, worthwile. Thankyou so much. **

**Enjoy! Lotsa love, Juicyxxxxx**

**Oh by the way, in case you didn't notice I've changed my name and the title of this!**

_I'm Back_

I really, _really _didn't want to go to school the Monday after the Masquerade ball. I felt incredibly embarrassed and outrageously angry at Dylan fucking Marvil for running everything at the time when _I _felt the least ruined.

On the Monday I got woken up by Lady Gaga's "Just Dance", my new ringtone Olivia had set to get me in the mood for the dance over the weekend. It made me feel like puking whenever I heard it now. I made such a fool of myself, how could I face everyone?

Anyway, the person ringing was none other than Olivia. She wanted me to go to her house so that we could go to school from there. _At five frickin' am_. I swear, that girl is crazy. I got out of bed though, seeing as I wasn't exactly in the deepest sleep anyway.

I left a sticky-note on the fridge door telling Dad where I had gone, and then I slipped on my comfiest University of Pink tracksuit, pulled on my Uggs and went on my way to Olivia's house.

-------------------

"...and then Dylan revealed who I was and I left and went home and that was it." I concluded, separating my orange in to segments and popping one in my mouth. Olivia brought two mugs of steaming coffee to the table and then plonked herself on to the chair opposite me.

"But if you think about it, they still like you Massie. Because this new Massie who has been around for the past six months or however the hell long it has been, wasn't really you. The _old _Massie, the one everybody loved was at the ball. So that shows that you are still the super hot,-don't blush Mass, you know it's true-bright, friendly girl everyone loved. You just have to show them you can still be that girl. You _are _still that girl. And as for Dylan fuck-head Marvil, forget about that bitch. She's just jealous. You shouldn't be scared of her."

I smile and put down my coffee, "Olivia Ryan, I don't know how I deserve you as a friend. You are truly special."

-------------

"Ok I can't do this. It is impossible. I'm serious, I think I might faint." I mutter to Olivia from the corner of my mouth. We are only in the car-park and already people are staring and whispering.

"Massie..." Olivia murmurs. A smile is playing at her lips. "I think it's ok...look at Saylene Homer to the right of that Porsche Cayenne."

I turn to Saylene and she squeals when she sees me, tossing her curtain of glossy hair behind her as if she is auditioning for a Pantene commercial. She bounds over to me on her espadrille wedges, "Massie! I absolutely luh-v those jeans you're wearing! You have so made a comeback. I mean, everyone is just so stunned at your performance on Saturday, it's like you've made the pages of US Weekly. And that dress you wore! I mean, wow, don't even get me started! Anyways, gotta go, but I'll catch you later, 'kay?" Saylene waggles her manicured fingers at me.

Woah. I did _not _expect that.

"People...people are actually talking to me normally?" I say incredulously to Olivia. She grins and slides a pair of tinted Prada sunglasses up her nose. "Goodbye depressed emo Massie, hello new-and-improved Massie..."

"Liv!" I giggle as we walk in to the halls.

But as I watch everyone by their lockers, the jocks thumping each other on the backs, the emos applying even more eyeliner, the nerds taping their glasses together...everything is so stereotypical, so _high-school_-ish, and...I like it. Because I've waited so long for things to go back to normal, to me getting a hold on reality once more. I've missed out on so much but now I'm sure I've found myself. It was like I was on a journey, not knowing where my destination was, what obstacles I would find myself at on the way. Be it little things like Kristen scowling at me, or the bigger things, like the death of my Mother. Life changes, you just have to go with it. You can't give up on it like I did. I was glad to have Olivia to help me, to help me reach the destination I was meant to be at the whole time.

The journey I have had over the year has felt like decades. I can't change any of it, but I know I can do my best to make amends with the people I love, deep down.

And now, with everything ok and normal, I just _know_...

That I'm back. And now that I'm back, I won't be leaving for a very long time yet...


	24. Just The Beginning

**this is it. final chapter. ive really enjoyed writing this and i just want to say a HUGE thankyou to everyone who reviewed. these people (sorry if ive missed your name out!!!) include: brenda**

**pookie baby OhmyDod hollisterhottii23 Taylorfanxx10 AlphaxQueen I Heartz U applejuicegirl starcheer . BCBG herquill TheIconic jandm music-control-freak people aren't perfect .JuicerzZ Ahhhscreaming4noreason happyface123 .avalon Brooke6404 Wingzz royal purple brenda morgan lexi-nicolee Maria-Claire4Ever ps269 kelsey1234 girlwithwings2 LuVtOdAnCe krissy0405 krazybat101**

**you guys (and anyone i might have missed out!!) are so great. **

**dont forget to vote in my poll and check out my other fics and wait for my collab with applejuicegirl! thanks again you guys. lotsa love, juicyxxx**

* * *

High School went by in a blur of exams, late-night gossiping and very strong caffeine.

There were ups and downs, friendships and broken-hearts, and everything in between. Olivia and I stayed best friends. She had always there, like a guardian angel, I had just never really noticed. I had two other best friends as well; Kemp and Plovert. Surprising, I know, but they were funny and goofy and made me laugh at times when I just wanted to cry. They stayed loyal to me the last couple of years of High School, and I loved them like they were my brothers.

It turns out Kemp wasn't as much of a perv as I thought he was. He was a bit of a ladies' man, and left a trail of broken-hearts behind him. He was kinda cute I guess with his head of dark curls and bright, _bright _blue eyes-sort of like Heath Ledger in 10 Things I Hate about You-but luckily our relationship never went further than me consulting him about a guy I liked or something. We were just happy for what each other had.

Plovert. Was. A. Legend. I don't know how I would survive without his help in absolutely everything. He helped me like a counsellor, a tutor, a brother. I was so lucky to have him. He was amazing and one of my best friends, although he did have a tendency to tease me a lot.

Prom was...interesting. I helped Olivia pick out the most beautiful dress. She went with none other than Danny Robbins; they were going out for a bit but ended it subtly. They are still great friends though. I didn't go to the prom. I did other things everyone else did but I don't think I would really be able to stand it. Since the masquerade ball, I took a break from formal dances...

Dylan and I grew apart. After the masquerade ball we never spoke to each other again. Each of us was invisible to the other. She had her friends and I had mine and we went on with our own lives. I forgave her unspoken apology but I didn't bother to keep in touch. She could make the effort to do that.

Kristen stayed with Josh, made friends with the soccer girls and eventually became quite famous within our county for writing an article on the Borneo rainforest or something, for the local newspaper. Huh. She always used to hide her smartness saying it was a boy-turnoff. Guess she saw sense in the end.

Josh and Cam gave me the odd nod every now and then, or maybe a smile. They stayed the same I guess. Or as my Bio teacher would say, "nothing much happening in that category or organisms." Well Josh's little sister won the spelling bee but apart from that everything stayed the same.

And... Derrick. I would always love him but he moved to Australia for six months and when he came back he pretended I didn't exist. I didn't really mind to be honest. I guess it was time for a clean break. I would always remember him, and who knows, maybe things will change in the future. We'll just have to wait and see.

--------------------

_Two and a half years after High School..._

"Liv wake up, we're here..." I shake Olivia awake and she stirs, stretching her arms above her head. I hand our dinner trays to the air hostess while Olivia pulls the shutter of the window up and stares out towards the misty, grey haze of fog. "Urgh, London doesn't exactly match the terms, 'sunny and bright' does it?" she grumbles, her voice cracking slightly as the plane pulls to a halt on the runway.

"Not really, no!" I laugh, unclipping my seatbelt as the seatbelt sign flashes off. I grunt as I pull my mint green Kate Spade suitcase from the luggage holdall and yawn, shaking my layered side-bangs out of my eyes.

"Hey, you need help with that Olivia?" Plovert calls from his seat, coming over to us. Olivia and I have a hunch he likes her. He pulls her Gucci tote and matching monogrammed case that she was struggling with, down and in a swift motion, flings her duffel over his back. We stifle our giggles as we get led out of the plane.

----------

"Man, these chicks are all _hot_. Dude, check out the cutie with that British accent. Now that is _nice_."

Derrick rolled his eyes at Cam's girl-obsessed remarks. He was here to work on his soccer, which was why he joined this soccer camp thing in the first place. Not to ogle at girls all day like ol' Cammy did.

"Ok, we need to get to the, uh..." Cam consulted his bit of paper. "The Dorchester Hotel. It's on Park Lane so we should be able to get a cab from the airport to the hotel. Dude, you can at least try to look excited. This is a five star hotel and is where all the actors stay. And the soccer company is paying for it all!"

Derrick sighed, "London, here we come..."

--------------------

"Kori, pass me my bag, I need to write down where the hotel is."

Kori Gedman passed Kristen her slouchy D&G tote and flopped back on her chair. They were in an internet cafe in Piccadilly Circus, London. Kristen was used to traveling, she had got a job at one of the most elite magazines in the US, _Ice_. Her job was very, "stressful" as she put it. She wasn't even close to being even an assistant director for one of the sections of the magazine, yet she got to stay in the best hotels, have amazing privileges for restaurants, beauticians, shops...She had access almost everywhere, but things started to get stressful when, for example, your intern assistant forgets which hotel you're meant to be staying at.

"Kori, why is my Palm Pilot not in my bag?" Kristen snapped, sifting through Dior Kiss lipglosses, Luna bars and citrus-smelling bottles of hand sanitizer.

"I-I don't know, I think it was in your other purse, or...oh yes, here it is." Kori delved in to her own Prada messenger bag and handed the thin silver object to Kristen. Kristen whipped it out of Kori's clammy palm and slid out the stylus, tapping at the LCD screen.

The Pretty Committee had split up near the end of High School. Claire Lyons went on to do photography, Alicia Rivera got a contract to model clothes for BCBG, Coral McAdams began a hairdressing course and Kori went on with soccer, which was how she and Kristen became friends. Kristen introduced Kori to journalism and soon enough, they were both working at the same magazine, Kori being Kristen's _assistant_. Things mostly worked out though. They were friends, but also colleagues which was sometimes a bit difficult for Kristen; Kori was the scattiest person she knew.

"Ok, do you even remember in the _slightest_, which hotel Tamara said we were staying at?"

Kori bit her already chewed thumbnail and shook her head; tendrils of dark-blond hair that had escaped her sloppy bun tickled her shoulders as she lowered her head shamefully.

"Urgh, why were you not listening?" Kristen flopped back in the scratchy nylon computer chair and covered her eyes with her flamboyant red nails.

"Well..." Kori blushed, "Griffin had just texted and-"

"What? You put a chance to shadow an interview with _Jennifer Lopez_, at risk because of a _boy_?" Kristen cried out in disbelief and anguish.

"I-It was really important..." Kori trailed off. "I'm sorry?" but it came out sounding more like a question.

"If you were really sorry, then you would be getting Tamara on speed-dial, _right now_!"

Kori scrambled for her Sidekick and Kristen sighed dramatically.

"Um, Penelope, get Tamara. She's in a meeting? Ok tell her we'll call back-"

"Penelope!" Kristen had grabbed the Sidekick off Kori and was pacing back and forth. "If you don't get me the name of the hotel right now, your career will be in serious danger. I could get a huge promotion for this; now get me the hotel name now! Is it too much to ask? The what? The Dorchester...Hotel...Ok great, bye." Kristen scrawled the hotel's name on a slip of paper and grabbed her bag.

"Come on, Kori, see? I told you things will work out! Now let's go..."

--------------------

"Dylan, put those back for goodness sake!" An exasperated Merri-Lee Marvil peered over her Blackberry Storm and sighed at Dylan, who was reaching for a handful of sesame pretzels from slim buffet cart that was attached to the side of the seat opposite her.

"Mom!" Dylan whined, dumping them back in the bowl and folding her arms over her chest, slumping back in to the Daily Grind monogrammed seat of the moving limo. She didn't bother to argue; her Mom always won their fights anyway.

Dylan crossed and uncrossed her ankles, admiring her turquoise cross-tie wedges. The four inch heels made her legs look even longer than they already were. They were a partial bribe to come on tour with Merri-Lee, but Dylan ignored that part. So far on the tour she had been to Morocco, Rome and Paris, but she was sure London would be the best place yet.

Dylan un-rolled the window but the sudden gust of chilly air in to the car made her reach for her camel-colored, corduroy jacket, ignoring her Mother's glare at how skin-tight it was. London was...cold, foggy. That was all she had experienced so far of the "fashion capital that is simply dripping with culture"-esque city everyone had said it was.

Dylan reached over to the seat opposite her and clutched her Mulberry bag, untying the red leather strap and checking her phone for messages. She sighed and tapped her Mother on the knee with a single, manicured nail. "Mom, what's the hotel called?"

"I don't know honey...It should be in my bag..." Merri-Lee murmured, her emerald-green eyes were narrowed as they flicked across a seemingly intriguing piece of information from the booklet she was holding. She tossed her Louis Vuitton Cherry Blossom bag towards Dylan who caught it deftly.

Dylan sorted through the mess of makeup and 'spare' cell-phones, pulling out a glossy leaflet.

"One of the most exclusive hotels in London...luxurious...grand... " Dylan muttered under her breath as she read the curly golden script. She flipped it over and read the large calligraphic writing; "The Dorchester Hotel." She murmured.

_Sounds good, but the whole Summer? I won't even know anyone there! _Dylan thought. Little did she know, there would be a lot of things that would bring back many memories when she got there. But did she want to remember all those things...?

---------------------

"We're here!" Olivia sang, flinging open the black door of the taxi.

"That will be £30.00, please." The taxi driver said, turning round in his seat.

"Already?" I yawn, fumbling with the door handle. I breathe in the crisp air, that is delicately scented with lavender and feel a smile slowly spread over my face. This was another one of my Mom's favourite places to come.

A few years ago, Olivia introduced me to a new theory of how to, 'let go'. If someone you loved died, then instead of hiding from reality, you need to go out there and forget the sadness and just focus on the good moments you had with that person. Olivia and I have been traveling to all of my Mom's favourite places and remembering the good times I had with her, or the times she had in that place. We've been to the Statue of Liberty in Brooklyn, the Eiffel Tower in Paris, the Great Wall of China in Beijing...I can't help but be pleased that such exotic places were my Mom's favourite. She also loved London. The food, the culture, the "cute accents". So we were spending the Summer here, at The Dorchester Hotel. Olivia's Dad and my Dad were paying for each of us to stay in the best places and travel in the most luxurious ways. Each of our Dad's was like the other's Uncle or something. We were so close.

Oh and Dad had started dating someone else, a woman called Natalie. She was pretty with fair hair and wore toffee-colored lipstick and smelled of strawberry body scrub. She was funny and cute and only a couple of years younger than my Dad, which was definitely a good thing. Her laugh was contagious and she was down-to-Earth nice, really genuine. She was like my much, much older sister and I was really happy for her and Dad, they seemed so in love. I knew Mom just wanted what would make both of us happy. She wouldn't want us to be weighed down with guilt.

So, here we were, the Dorchester. It was huge and pure-white with neat iron letters spelling out the name. Doormen in green and gold uniforms stood side by side of the great, glass doorway.

"Jeez, how was I meant to know London didn't accept dollars? No-one told me?" Kemp grumbled, catching up with us as we entered the hotel.

Plovert rolled his eyes and smacked Kemp on the head. Olivia and I busted out laughing. Kemp was clever, but not in that way. He was in London for a cookery course, Plovert here to see what, "the academic-preferably medical-side of London was like", as he put it. His dream was to become a doctor, and with the grades he got, I really wouldn't bet against it.

The entrance was cool and decorated in royal colors; red and gold. The soft clinking of china cups sounded through the peaceful chatter of people having English afternoon tea. We left our luggage with the porter and stood in the queue.

Olivia checked her silver Cartier watch. "We can unpack and then take a look around or something." She says.

"Yeah, let's check in first Olivia." Kemp scoffs.

"Sheez, what is the chick at the desk moaning about?" Plovert groans.

A girl in front is arguing with the receptionist, a smaller girl with bad posture standing beside her. The arguing one has her back to us, and is tall and slim, dressed sophisticatedly in an ivory colored pea-coat with large black buttons. Her buttery-blond hair is twisted in to a top-knot on her head, secured with large Stella McCartney sunglasses, and her tanned legs are bare, indicating that she is wearing a skirt. Oh, and I'm insanely jealous of her strappy black Jimmy Choos.

"If she says the word, 'unhelpful' one more time..." Plovert mutters darkly.

"The service I have received from you has been very unhelpful-"

"Lady! Please, just be quiet! No-one cares, ok? Just deal with what you have, you've checked in, now just go to your room and leave us all in peace. You've been arguing about your towels or whatever for twenty minutes! I didn't even know that was possible!" Plovert cries. I cringe as girl-with-awesome-shoes slowly turns around.

"Ex-_cuse_ me?" she says, turning to face us.

My jaw drops so far down I don't think I will ever be able to drag it back up.

The girl with her piercing aqua eyes, widened with disbelief and her infamous cupid-bow lips...

"_Kristen?_" I manage to say, my voice comes out strangely; hoarse and croaky.

"Mass...ie?" Kristen struggles to not call me by my old nickname, I can tell. I cannot believe I am speaking to her for the first time in years, in the most unexpected place. I am so close I can smell her DKNY Red Delicious, although it wasn't the usual Hollister So Cal she used to wear. She did change.

"Wh-what are you doing here?" I manage to splutter out.

"I'm here for journalism-why are you here? I mean-"

"I hate to disturb your little reunion, but some of us need to check in." A woman with an oh-so-la-di-dah voice taps me on the shoulder.

Kristen and I move to the side, Kemp, Plovert, Olivia and who I now remember is Kori, move sideways as well.

"Listen Massie," Kristen suddenly blurts out. Her face looks desperate ad vulnerable as she hurries through her words; "I am so, so sorry about everything that happened in BOCD, I was so horrible and such a bitch and I just want you to know that I really regret everything I did which made you miserable. W-when your Mom died, I was a terrible friend, I should have comforted you, but I just ran off and I am...I'm sorry Massie. I really, truly am."

"It's Ok Kris," I say, my voice coming out in a whisper. I hold her tight and we hug each other, and I know things will be Ok with her.

"I think I'm crying now!" Kristen laugh-sobs, tears rolling down her MAC-dusted cheeks. I giggle with her, but the sound of Olivia choking on her cinnamon latte brings us out of it.

"Bitch-her-she-Marvil-"she splutters.

"Um, Liv, you Ok?" I hurry over to her.

"Yes-she-oh for crying out loud, Dylan Marvil is here! Dylan effing Marvil is coming through the door!"

"_What_?" I say incredulously. I whirl around on my spongy Prada flip-flops to face the door and my jaw drops for the second time in ten minutes.

A tall, slim girl walks through the rotating door, tossing her glossy locks as if she is in a Pantene commercial. Skinny True Religions cling to her long, long legs and she is wearing the limited-edition Pucci sunglasses I desperately wanted, the round ones with the leopard skin edging.

"What happened to her blond hair?" Kemp mumbles.

"Who cares about that? What is the female dog doing here in the first place?" Olivia says in disgust.

Dylan marches up to the receptionist and pushes in front of the la-di-dah woman, to her great annoyance.

"Listen here, sister." Dylan spits, "what is the point of advertising your _fabulous _over-the-phone check-in, if the damn thing doesn't even work! I was put on hold for, like, an hour! I could _sue_!"

"Yep, definitely Dylan." Plovert mutters. Me? I still have my mouth wide open. I'm pretty sure everyone is getting a bit grossed at constantly seeing my tonsils.

"Excuse me ma'am, but you have to wait your turn." The receptionist calmly says, but she has momentarily gone pale at Dylan's outburst.

"No! I will not _bloody _well wait, this is-"

"Dylan, shut up!" Kristen has finally stomped over to Dylan and is dragging her out of the 'queue'.

"Kristen? What the..._hell_?" Dylan says in disbelief. She pushes back her sunglasses to take in the scene of all of us. I note, pleased, that she has stopped putting blue contacts in and her eyes are bright green again. Her hair which used to fall to her shoulders now curls towards her waist in a well moussed, fiery-red haze.

"Dylan?" I manage in a weak voice.

"What the _fuck_ are you doing here?" Olivia asks. She marches up to Dylan but is a full two inches shorter, even in her chunky Miu Miu cork wedges.

"I'm here because of my Mother's tour. What is little Miss Half-Orphan doing here?" Dylan smirk-. I am actually surprised at how good her acting is, she doesn't even seem shocked to see us in the slightest.

"Listen Dylan, I don't care what you have to say, I don't give a shit. What are you going to do? Steal my friends? Make fun of me? Turn my boyfriend against me? Make me in to a miserable wreck? Oh, wait a second, you already _did_," I turn on my heel go back towards the reception desk, which thankfully, has no queue. Just as I am about to check in, I hear the voice of a person I vowed never to make contact with again.

"Dude! Wassup man?!"

The sound of palms making contact snaps me back to reality and I slowly turn around, pushing my side-bangs out of my eyes to see.

Kemp and Plovert are slapping the backs of two boys with their backs to me. They're in soccer kits, and one has black floppy hair, the other with blond shaggy curls which he has to bat out of his eyes. They have duffels slung across their backs and the sights and sounds of them bring memories slowly coming back to me...

"Derrick?" My voice comes out no louder than a whisper. The sounds around me seem to drown out as the blond boy turns around...

His eyes are as warm as I remember pools of milk-chocolate. His boyish face is now muscular, with a strong jaw. His body is _hot._ His perfect forehead creases, "Massie?" he says in disbelief. He looks me up but not in a pervy way, as if he can't actually believe it's me. I guess I do look different, though. I used to wear dark colors, threadbare hoodies and jeans all the time. Today my outfit is bright; light wash denim shorts and a hot pink Ralph Lauren halter. He really doesn't seem to believe it's me.

"What the hell..." The black-haired boy turns around. Cam.

Dylan's gloss Juicy Tubed mouth falls open. She and Cam split up in the end, after she accused him of cheating on her, i.e. looking at a Hollister model in the mall or something.

His green eye penetrates from his fair skin while his blue eye looks calmer. I decide to focus on that one instead.

"Heya...Cam...Derrick," I mumble.

"Massie, hey." Derrick drops his soccer bag on the floor and pushes a strand of blond hair out of his eyes.

"Hey," I murmur back, self-consciously tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

"I'm sorry about-"

"Can we just forget-"

We both start at the same time and nervously giggle.

"You first," Derrick says eventually.

"I'm sorry about everything that happened in High School, everything was so messed up and I just had mad rushes of emotion about different things and I-"

"Massie, it's ok, I just want tp forget about everything that happened as well. I've missed you-missed you a lot, and I just hope we can be friends at least."

_At least? Well duh!_

"Yeah...yeah I'd like that. A lot." I smile at Derrick and things seem a whole lot better. It's as if I've been friends with these guys forever instead of having a huge feud and then meeting them in the most unexpected place.

Things are starting to look up.

---------------

I'm alone in mine and Olivia's hotel room that night. A blushing Plovert asked her to the local Italian restaurant, and Olivia giggled a coy, "yes". I'm happy for her, but personally too exhausted to do anything except curl up on the couch with my good friends Anne Hathaway and Julie Andrews. The Princess Diaries will always rock.

I'm just finishing unpacking when there's a tentative knock at my door.

"Come in!" I yell, walking out of the room and to the door. "OhmyGod Liv did he kiss you-Oh."

Olivia isn't standing at the door. It's Dylan.

"Hey." She mumbles, nervously fiddling with the hem on her Victoria's Secret turquoise cami.

"What is it?" I demand. I am really not in the mood for her petty comments.

"Massie, I really am sorry about everything that happened in High School. If I could turn the clock back I totally would, and I'm really sorry about the nasty things I said about your Mother. I completely take them back and I know I was a bitch back then.

"Yeah Dylan, you were." I agree. Why not? She's admitting it.

"I know, but I really just want to be friends again. Do you think we can?"

I bite my lip before smiling at her. "Of course we can be friends."

I pull her in for a hug, and feel her tears soak in to my Hollister tank. Dylan and I were always best friends and if she is seeing what she's done wrong then there's no harm in giving her another chance.

Later when Dylan goes back to her room, I sit on the hotel balcony, making patterns in the thin sheet of dust on the patterned railing. I gaze out to the view before me. The sky is like a roll of black silk, stars spiking through like diamonds. The River Thames glitters in an extraordinary path, cutting through meadows and fields of deep green.

I've been through so much these past few years, and finally I feel happy; content. Happiness comes in different forms. Be it making up with your friends, buying a new handbag, getting straight As, or even visiting the Italian down the street with a boy who has a mad crush on you.

I always have been a target for drama though and I realise one thing, in that calm stillness of the night. A smile plays at my lips as I walk back into my room to a lazy night of popcorn and movies.

My journey definitely hasn't ended...

In fact, it's just begun.

* * *

**and there you have it. **


End file.
